Holly's Top 100 songs

I was looking for some music to match my mood several months ago. I wanted to find something a bit more jaded than what i was listening to. So, I started listening more to Bon Jovi (who has always been a favorite), Pink, The Who, Seven Mary Three, Goo goo Dolls, Kasey Chambers etc.

The strangest thing happened. In looking for the jaded, i found some of the most beautiful songs of hope and even love, and I really enjoy them. I look at my top 100 and see that there is so much more hope than was in there prior to my quest for the jaded songs... Very intriguing indeed.


There's also a bit less country than what used to inhabit this list.

100 Hero of the day by metallica
99 Angel by Aerosmith
98 One by Metallica
97 Seven Spanish Angels by Ray Charles and Willie Nelson
96 - Pony by Kasey Chambers
95 - Stand Still, Look Pretty by the Wreckers
94 What Might have been -- Little Texas
93 One Piece at a time by Johnny Cash
92 Ask me to Stay -- Casey Donahew Band
91 Walk away by Pink
90 Carried Away by George Strait
89 Where the Green Grass Grows by Tim McGraw
88 Ive been everywhere (in texas that is) by Brian Burns
87 - Beds are Burning by Midnight Oil
86 - I've Been Everywhere by Johnny Cash
85 Clouds by Montgomery Gentry
84 - Personal Jesus by Johnny Cash
83 - One in Every crowd -- Montgomery Gentry
82 - Who I am by Jessica Andrews
81 - We got it going on -- Bon jovi (cowritten with Big n Rich)
80 Goodnight Moon by Jack Ingram
79 - Run to you by Lady Antebellum
78 - Tainted love by Soft Cell
77 The River - Garth Brooks
76 - Only in my dreams -- Bon Jovi
75 - I remember you -- Skid Row
74 - Drift away
73 - I would by Jack Ingram
72 - Guitar Town - Steve Earle
71 - Wild as the Wind - Garth Brooks
70 Promises Broken by Soul Asylum
69 - Before I believe it's true -- Randy Rogers Band
68 - You were Always on my mind -- Willie Nelson
67 - Place in this world by Taylor Swift
66 Anymore by Travis Tritt
65 - Johnny and June by Heidi Newfeld (i think that's her name...)
64 The Sweater Song - Weezer
63 More than A memory - Garth Brooks
62 - Bargain -- the who
61 - White Horse by Taylor Swift
60 - A million Tears by Kasey Chambers
59 People are crazy by Billy Currington
58 - Bed of Roses by Bon Jovi
57 If i was your vampire - Marilyn Manson
56 Bat out of Hell by Meatloaf
55 I miss you with me by Randy Rogers Band
54 - Rollin by Big n Rich
53 - Hanging by a Moment by Lifehouse
52 - Lucky by Seven Mary Three
51 Runaway by Pink
50 - Bound for the floor - Local H
49 I drove all night by Roy Orbison
48 - Fifty ways to leave your lover by Paul Simon
47 Something I can Never Have by NIN
46 - Standing outside the Fire by Garth brooks
45 -- Wherever you will go -- The Calling
44 - Save a horse, ride a cowboy -- Big n Rich
43 - The Dance - Garth Brooks
42 -- Wild is the Wind by Bon Jovi
41 -- Halo by Beyonce
40 - Poison by Alice Cooper
39 - Calling Baton Rouge by Garth brooks
38 - My life would suck without you -- Kelly Clarkson
37 - Homeward Bound by Simon and Garfunkel
36 - I have seen the rain by Pink and her dad
35 - Whatever it is by Zac Brown Band
34 - Sweet Child of Mine by Guns N' Roses
33 - Paranoid like me -- Cowboy Troy
32 - If you Could Read my mind by Gordon Lightfoot
31 - She's so High by Tal Bachman
30 an unnamed Soul Asylum song :)
29 - Crazy for this Girl by Evan and Jaron
28 - Shameless by Garth Brooks
27 - American Pie by Don Maclean
26 - If I were you by Kasey Chambers
25 - In The End by Linkin Park
24 One thing by Jack Ingram
23 - Time after Time by Cindy Lauper
22 - A mother's smile by the Judds
21 - Maginificent Obsession by Steven Curtis Chapman
20 - Some Enchanted Evening - Ezio Pinza
19 - Open all Night by Bon Jovi (from the Bounce CD)
18 - Just a friend by Biz Markie
17 Life is a Highway by Chris Ledoux
16 - Leave me alone / Im lonely by Pink
15 - Little Wonders by Rob Thomas
14 - Carol in D Minor by Transiberian Orchestra
13 - More by Matthew West
12 - Please don't leave me by Pink
11 - B*tch by Meredith Brooks
10 - Seat next to you by Bon Jovi
9 - The Captain by Kasey Chambers
8 - It Can't Rain all the time - Jane Siberry
7 - Patience by Guns n Roses
6 - Winds of Change by Scorpion
5 - I'll be there for you - Bon Jovi
4 - Love Song by Pink
3 - Foolish Games by Jewel
2 - Con Te Partio by Andrea Bocelli
1 - Nobody's Hero By Bon Jovi

Astrology -- too much?

So when is the belief of astrology too much?

I think I've tripped upon this answer.

I think astrology can be a tool, an insight.

But, for me, it has become a stereotype. And I didn't even realize it.

Every once in awhile is understandable, but for me, I don't want to stereotype in this manner.

Astrology does not shape us. Childhood and so many facets of life do so.

Astrology definitely is a base, one facet of who we are, but it's not everything...

Just something I thought I would mention...

Some thoughts

I mentioned that i would write a blog regarding my ponderings and convos with friends and family. Not to get into conversations, but to say, I really understand now how far I have really come. I see who i desire to be, and that girl that I desire to be is attainable. I have so far to go, but i have come so far as well.

So much of this is contingent upon self-worth. I believe in myself more than I ever have. I am so thankful to my friends and fam for believing in me, whether near or far.

I have blogged on some of this, but I am now seeing that it's all coming together. Another key to this is balance. I will give you an example. A week ago, I really felt, but not too much. I have felt these emotions so many times, but it's been awhile since I have felt this way. I started crying tears of joy at a chick flick. It's been so long since I've done that. Yet, there are times that I feel too much. The key = balance. That tight rope that we all walk on and attempting to stay upright as we careen through life's obstacles.

I was fretting about some things regarding who i am the other night, and I prayed and I felt peace and a confidence that I have not felt in some time. This brings me to my spirituality. This has been a foundation in my life for quite some time. Regardless of what religion I may be in, I have a true love for Christ and I deeply believe. I think back to two years ago, and my border-line agnosticism, and I realize that I am so thrilled to believe.

I have been trying to figure out which religion I should be or stay, and at this point, I know that I must complete this journey of self-knowledge and completely know who i am, before I decide which religion I will stay.

I know many are worried, from many different walks of life. I thank you for your concern, but rest assured, I am working on it. All will be ok.

I love the person that I have become. It goes back to the song, "Stronger Woman" -- "Im gonna love myself more than anyone else..."

I am also seeing that balance can be essential in many facets of my life. Needing people is one of them. Lately, I have been shutting people out, and I have been for quite some time. The truth is I let people in more now than I used to. Few people really truly knew me long ago.

And now, more people know me, and I feel that this is in part because I have begun to know myself more in the last few years.

I am thankful to each and every one of you. I love who I am and there are so many awesome people in my life!!!

My deep thought...

I have been bettering myself and working on fixing issues within me, so that I may operate as a better person, like I long to become. I have discovered a flaw within myself that helps me to not care quite as much what others think....

Are you ready?

My self-worth is not contingent on what others think of me or how they treat me. That is their choice.

It doesn't mean I shouldn't be a nice person. But I don't have to bend over backwards, beyond where most sane humans would take themselves. I have taken myself past the point of self-sacrifice, which is ok at times, but when there's not enough for me or my children, that's not ok.

My choice is to live my life in a way that I am proud of.

I was just starting to understand to a better extent about not caring what others think, but this takes it to a whole new level.

I feel so free. It's as if the chains that bind me have broken, and a stronger Holly is now here.

I am hereby relinquishing my theme song. It was Not Pretty Enough by Kasey Chambers. I am going to post it one last time. Im not saying I'll never feel this way again, but I will do my best to ensure that it doesn't once again, become a way of life for me.


Not Pretty Enough by Kasey Chambers
Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart to broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break
I crave, I love, I've waited long enough
I try as hard as I can

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart to broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

I laugh, I feel, I make believe it's real
I fall, I freeze, I pray down on my knees
I hope, I stand, I take it like a man
I try as hard as I can

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart to broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

Why do you see
Why do you see
Why do you see right through me
Why do you see
Why do you see
Why do you see right through me
Why do you see
Why do you see
Why do you see right through me
Why do you see
Why do you see
Why do you see right through me

These Pines by Kasey Chambers

These pines are not the ones that i'm used to
They won't carry me home when I cry
Am I too far gone to recover
Or can I turn if I try
Should I trade my soul for another
Should I stay and pretend that I'm happy
Like so many times before

Yeah these pines
Are not mine
They don't smell so sweet
like the ones in my mind
And I search the needles
'Til I run out of time
But I don't see you in These Pines.

Di I stumble or falter my words
When I'm saying everything is all right
I'm not one to release my depression
But these trees bring it out every night
Well i don't talk 'cos I'm trying to listen
To the wind take me home through these leaves
But it's quiet and don't hear nothing
Cos the wind doesn't blow through these trees

Broken by Lindsey Haun

This song is at the end of the movie, "Broken Bridges" (which was Toby Keith's movie debut.) The movie isn't my favorite but I love this song. When we're broken is when we grow strong. I find comfort in that, comfort that God is with us as we're going through the struggles.

Broken lyrics

Wake up to a Sunny Day
Not a cloud up in the sky
And then it starts to rain
My defenses hit the ground
And they shatter all around
So open and exposed
But I found strenghth in the struggle
Face to face with my troubles

When you're broken
In a Million little pieces
And your tryin'
But you can't hold on any more
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believin' in your self
When you're broken

Little girl don't be so blue
I know what you're going through
Don't let it beat you up
Hittin' walls and gettin' scars
Only makes you who you are
Only makes you who you are
No matter how much your heart is aching
There is beauty in the breaking
Yeah

When you're broken
In a Million little pieces
And your tryin'
But you can't hold on any more
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believin' in your self
When you're broken

Better days are gonna find you once again
Every piece will find it's place
When you're broken
When you're broken

When you're broken
In a Million little pieces
And your tryin'
But you can't hold on any more
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believin' in your self
When you're broken
Oh When you're broken
When you're broken
When you're broken

haven't posted much...

I have had numerous realizations and several wonderful ideas for blogs, but they have yet to be written and are still bouncing around in my brain. Suffice it to say, I have had some great realizations about life and worrying and fear. I tend to worry more than I ought to at times. It sometimes causes me so much angst, that I freeze with fear, but then I commence worrying about worrying. This week has been better. One day at a time. Prayer really is helping with this, which is a good thing.

On another note, I got a new job. I start in a week and a half. It's not in the banking industry, and though the banking industry has taught me a great deal, I am excited and a wee bit nervous about this new opportunity. I will be working at a hospital business office.

My kiddoes are so amazing. They were with me this Easter and we had a blast. Saturday was pretty restful, but Sunday, we saw their grandparents (former in-laws) and my aunt and uncle. Fun was had by all. 80)

I am so blessed with so many positive aspects in my life.