So I have been thinking.... So much to process and so much change. But change is good. I am feeling so much better about me. I am so thankful for everyone in my life. I am continuing to work on control of my feelings, thoughts and my attitude. I am also realizing how being humble and peacefulness are connected. I am amazing. I can say that with feeling and with confidence. This has taken me so long. My mistakes do not define me. I have learned from them, and I have become more of who I want to me, more of who I feel that God wants me to be.
I recently realized that I have unrealistic expectations. They actually stem from unreasonable expectations of myself. And then I seem to think that everyone should follow them. Much improvement has been made in this. I don't have to be so intense. It is fine to just let go and let things flow in all facets of life. And to realize that others' actions are not indicative of my worth. That is where so much of my pain and hurt that has resulted from friendships and relationships with many people, really. i have thought in the past that if people didn't spend time with me or acknowledged me, i was worthless. This was the same way in regards to my accomplishments as well. they seemed futile if others didn't notice. I can do so many wonderful things and I have that no one has noticed. i have pride in those things, and i will continue to have that pride!
It's a great deal to change, but i *know* that I can do this.
In the past, I have always wanted a man to save me. i didn't think i did, but i did want that. Do i now? No. I have a man who is walking beside me as I find my way. He is there to help me dust off my knees when I fall. i just know he is near. I appreciate his strength more than i could ever imagine.
It's amazing that the more I work on, and the more peace I work on having, the more I realize that i have so much to be thankful for.
My life is not a punishment, it's a blessing. I used to think that God was always mad at how badly i was doing. i know that he is very proud of me. I may not always do what is right, but He loves me very much. It reminds me of that song, "Touch of the Master's hand". i love that song so much, and I know that I am worth so much more with God's love and that acknowledgment within me.
So i have so many things to work on, but I have made so much improvement. I can do this. i am so confident. i know i may fail, but true failure is not falling, it's not getting back up.
Life is good 80)
Monday, August 9, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Knitting
So I've fallen in love with knitting... more than crocheting.I know, tis shocking...
So recent finished projects....
A grey shirt for me. I followed the pattern, but i soon realized it would be too low, so I adapted it. And it was more of a crop top for my build... so i'm in process of adding a crocheted band.
Slippers galore 80)
wips (works in progress) and to dos
crochet edging for above grey shirt
pink dishcloth
2 pairs of slippers (in process of finding the perfect patterns for my boys 80)
the project of insanity -- a blanket...
a baby afghan
Gryffindor scarf
friend's shirt...
so this all will keep me busy for a few weeks. Hahaha...
So recent finished projects....
A grey shirt for me. I followed the pattern, but i soon realized it would be too low, so I adapted it. And it was more of a crop top for my build... so i'm in process of adding a crocheted band.
Slippers galore 80)
wips (works in progress) and to dos
crochet edging for above grey shirt
pink dishcloth
2 pairs of slippers (in process of finding the perfect patterns for my boys 80)
the project of insanity -- a blanket...
a baby afghan
Gryffindor scarf
friend's shirt...
so this all will keep me busy for a few weeks. Hahaha...
Guinevere part 2
So I've been thinking more on this song. I heard it again yesterday, and i didn't mention another line that hits me.
"For as much as she stumbles, she's running.
For as much as she's gone, she's still here. '
This has described me in the past, and I must admit still describes a portion of me.
There's a portion of me that I keep so far away. It goes back to the mirage...
i'm getting better at this, in part due to selectiveness in who I allow close to me...
I am so thankful for my thoughts and for the peace that comes with pensiveness 80D
"For as much as she stumbles, she's running.
For as much as she's gone, she's still here. '
This has described me in the past, and I must admit still describes a portion of me.
There's a portion of me that I keep so far away. It goes back to the mirage...
i'm getting better at this, in part due to selectiveness in who I allow close to me...
I am so thankful for my thoughts and for the peace that comes with pensiveness 80D
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Guinevere
so i'm writing this on lunch on my cell, so i'll proofread and correct later.
for those that listen to country music, you may know a song called guinevere by the Eli Young Band.
Songs in general are subjective and they mean something different to everyone. this reminds me of who i used to be, not letting love in. not forgiving... and truly thats the key to love and peace - forgiveness.
'she says forgiveness aint nothing but a lifeless tire on the shoulder of her road that never rolls.'
i heard this song shortly after someone challenged me to forgive and let go. i cried so hard. the peace that comes with forgiveness, with being ok with the unknown is so amazing. ive forgiven but not like this...
This song talks about how this girl let one person in, he broke her heart and so no one gets to stay. I was that girl for quite some time... The walls that i have built around me have fallen to a degree. i'm still careful, which is necessary... but it's a step 80)
i have had issues trusting in dating relationships. trust is so imprtant... i'm ok with walking this road....
i am so grateful for the lessons i have learned in life. and i am thankful for those in my life...
for those that listen to country music, you may know a song called guinevere by the Eli Young Band.
Songs in general are subjective and they mean something different to everyone. this reminds me of who i used to be, not letting love in. not forgiving... and truly thats the key to love and peace - forgiveness.
'she says forgiveness aint nothing but a lifeless tire on the shoulder of her road that never rolls.'
i heard this song shortly after someone challenged me to forgive and let go. i cried so hard. the peace that comes with forgiveness, with being ok with the unknown is so amazing. ive forgiven but not like this...
This song talks about how this girl let one person in, he broke her heart and so no one gets to stay. I was that girl for quite some time... The walls that i have built around me have fallen to a degree. i'm still careful, which is necessary... but it's a step 80)
i have had issues trusting in dating relationships. trust is so imprtant... i'm ok with walking this road....
i am so grateful for the lessons i have learned in life. and i am thankful for those in my life...
Monday, May 17, 2010
Responsibility and control
I have been thinking a great deal on this. This will be a quick blog and I may come back and polish it.
"Sometimes I get nervous when I see an open door. Close your eyes, clear your heart. Cut the cord. " -- Human by the Killers
When i recently heard this song again, this line stuck out at me. I realized this is what I had to do.
Sometimes, I have been frozen with fear. I've spoken of it before. In the past, I haven't taken responsibility for many of my actions, and I see now that it's imperative to growth.
I take responsibility for what I've done, for who I am. But the other side of this, is i take responsibility for others' mistakes too, and this is ceasing now.
I am responsible for me and my two awesome sons. I have learned so much in my life, and I see how much i have to teach to my children, especially.
I am so very proud of them. They helped teach me how to live. There are so many people who are amazing and I am so thankful for the people that come into my life, if even for a moment.
There are so many things we don't have control over, but one of the most important facets is we have control over our attitudes. 80)
"Sometimes I get nervous when I see an open door. Close your eyes, clear your heart. Cut the cord. " -- Human by the Killers
When i recently heard this song again, this line stuck out at me. I realized this is what I had to do.
Sometimes, I have been frozen with fear. I've spoken of it before. In the past, I haven't taken responsibility for many of my actions, and I see now that it's imperative to growth.
I take responsibility for what I've done, for who I am. But the other side of this, is i take responsibility for others' mistakes too, and this is ceasing now.
I am responsible for me and my two awesome sons. I have learned so much in my life, and I see how much i have to teach to my children, especially.
I am so very proud of them. They helped teach me how to live. There are so many people who are amazing and I am so thankful for the people that come into my life, if even for a moment.
There are so many things we don't have control over, but one of the most important facets is we have control over our attitudes. 80)
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
thoughts on peace
So many thoughts have recently come to me in regards to peace.
I am so peaceful in where I am regarding life. It's not what life brings to us, it's what we bring to life -- a simple yet eloquent thought that first hit me when I watched Anne of green gables: the continuing story (it is *not* anne of avonlea -- nothing like the book, but I digress.) Another reason this first hit me in this movie is that I am a romantic. I used to be moreso, but my romanticism is now mixed with a good deal of reality or cynicism... depending on one's definition 80)
I am also learning about walking the fine line that is learning from the past without dwelling in it. The past has taught me so much. This life in general is meant for that, to learn and grow. And i am so amazed at the person I've become -- am becoming 80)
i am so thankful for my life, for the people in it, for God's work in and through me.
Thank you all for rolling with me 80) (think Montgomery Gentry's roll with me 80))
I am so peaceful in where I am regarding life. It's not what life brings to us, it's what we bring to life -- a simple yet eloquent thought that first hit me when I watched Anne of green gables: the continuing story (it is *not* anne of avonlea -- nothing like the book, but I digress.) Another reason this first hit me in this movie is that I am a romantic. I used to be moreso, but my romanticism is now mixed with a good deal of reality or cynicism... depending on one's definition 80)
I am also learning about walking the fine line that is learning from the past without dwelling in it. The past has taught me so much. This life in general is meant for that, to learn and grow. And i am so amazed at the person I've become -- am becoming 80)
i am so thankful for my life, for the people in it, for God's work in and through me.
Thank you all for rolling with me 80) (think Montgomery Gentry's roll with me 80))
Monday, February 8, 2010
Valentine's Day on a budget...
This subject has recently come up a few times, in part due to my second job and the constant bombardment of Valentine's day there, and also that of a guy friend requesting advice for said holiday...
i was originally intending this blog to target what a guy could get a girl, but *some* of this could be used for what a girl could get a guy... that being said, i will still be saying what to get her, etc from here on out...
Here are some things to think about with Valentine's day...
More expensive isn't always better...
If you have agreed to attack this holiday with a budget of a certain amount...all the better...
Some simple ideas... (some of which can be found at my secondary place of employment, hehe)
a preserved rose or a single rose and an inexpensive vase. (be careful to research the color of roses online if your gal is particular on that sort of thing... certain colors denote different things)
candles (nice candles can actually start out pretty inexpensive.
a candy dish with her favorite candy
a special treat she doesn't get a great deal of (it could be a bottle of wine she likes or a juice she doesnt buy often, or sparkling grape juice, etc), cadbury eggs (i speak from personal experience on this one -- i get at least one of these for my bday every year... oh and diet drinks too... ) i actually think the practical gifts are awesome... it's something i like, and i'm so appreciative...
herbal tea along with a little mug
fuzzy socks and that could be paired with some nice foot lotion.
an eye mask -- again these can be found inexpensively at different places and you could even get her a bottle of her favorite lotion, an eye mask, etc and make it a litte beauty kit for less than $20
coupons -- such as one free back-rub, one free 'i'll fix dinner' night, one free "i'll do the dishes night", one free "i'll rub your feet " night, one free "i'll go to the store and pick up something we forgot" night. for people with kids, the youngens can get in on this too, and help decorate them, etc.
put hershey's kisses on the floor between her side of the bed and the bathroom (**NOT if you have a dog**)) and rose petals in the bathtub -- and you could put on a note, "I wanted to kiss the ground you walk on and shower you with rose petals"
you can cook dinner(if you can cook). If you don't know how, i wouldn't choose this night to try, please 80)
getting a heart-shaped dish and putting it only half full of candy -- and putting a note saying, "my heart is only half full without you'
quoting songs is another thing that i'm notorius for, so a cd of romantic favorites would be good. If you don't know each other as well, you can give her a cd of some of your faves (try to use taste though, hehe).
a book from her favorite author is also good...
So this should get one's creative juices flowing. I hope this helps someone 80)
I wanted to say one closing note regarding Valentine's day.Is it over-commercialized? It might be, but anything that promotes love can't be all bad. It's just imperative to remember the ones we love on the other 364 days that we live throughout the year 80)
Sincerely,
Holly
i was originally intending this blog to target what a guy could get a girl, but *some* of this could be used for what a girl could get a guy... that being said, i will still be saying what to get her, etc from here on out...
Here are some things to think about with Valentine's day...
More expensive isn't always better...
If you have agreed to attack this holiday with a budget of a certain amount...all the better...
Some simple ideas... (some of which can be found at my secondary place of employment, hehe)
a preserved rose or a single rose and an inexpensive vase. (be careful to research the color of roses online if your gal is particular on that sort of thing... certain colors denote different things)
candles (nice candles can actually start out pretty inexpensive.
a candy dish with her favorite candy
a special treat she doesn't get a great deal of (it could be a bottle of wine she likes or a juice she doesnt buy often, or sparkling grape juice, etc), cadbury eggs (i speak from personal experience on this one -- i get at least one of these for my bday every year... oh and diet drinks too... ) i actually think the practical gifts are awesome... it's something i like, and i'm so appreciative...
herbal tea along with a little mug
fuzzy socks and that could be paired with some nice foot lotion.
an eye mask -- again these can be found inexpensively at different places and you could even get her a bottle of her favorite lotion, an eye mask, etc and make it a litte beauty kit for less than $20
coupons -- such as one free back-rub, one free 'i'll fix dinner' night, one free "i'll do the dishes night", one free "i'll rub your feet " night, one free "i'll go to the store and pick up something we forgot" night. for people with kids, the youngens can get in on this too, and help decorate them, etc.
put hershey's kisses on the floor between her side of the bed and the bathroom (**NOT if you have a dog**)) and rose petals in the bathtub -- and you could put on a note, "I wanted to kiss the ground you walk on and shower you with rose petals"
you can cook dinner(if you can cook). If you don't know how, i wouldn't choose this night to try, please 80)
getting a heart-shaped dish and putting it only half full of candy -- and putting a note saying, "my heart is only half full without you'
quoting songs is another thing that i'm notorius for, so a cd of romantic favorites would be good. If you don't know each other as well, you can give her a cd of some of your faves (try to use taste though, hehe).
a book from her favorite author is also good...
So this should get one's creative juices flowing. I hope this helps someone 80)
I wanted to say one closing note regarding Valentine's day.Is it over-commercialized? It might be, but anything that promotes love can't be all bad. It's just imperative to remember the ones we love on the other 364 days that we live throughout the year 80)
Sincerely,
Holly
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