Forgiving revisited

I must come back to the foundational part of forgiveness, and why I am struggling with it. It's strange. Those I love unconditionally or close to are forgiven easily... What is so difficult for me to forgive? Promising to be one way and not measuring up and being apathetic about it. This is something I realize I must face headon. I am realizing that those that make promises that they don't intend to keep don't have a place in my life. If they do, it's minimal. I must forgive them... To forgive does not mean I have to have a casserole with them. It means that I let it go and I have complete peace when thinking about said situation.... I have several situations I am letting go. I need to move on... In most of these cases, I don't want them as an active part in my life. In part, I want an apology... But what has an apology been to me? an absolving of wrong-doing. I know I did things wrong in every situation in which I speak. I have apologized and I would like it to be reciprocated... Why? I have dug deep for this within my heart and soul... I figure that it has to do with self-esteem. I don't feel good enough because they blame me in such a way, to have been the failure in the situation... Some family members are who I speak of as well as other situations... I realize that I am enough and I don't need their blessing, their absolution or their forgiveness. i have God's forgiveness and God's peace and that is enough....

I have my children who mean so much to me.

I have some wonderful friends and some good family members that are so good to us.

And I have a good man in my life that is willing to work through the tough situations... He doesn't run or balk. He helps me fix the mess I've made in parts of my life. We are there for each other and I am so glad to have him in my life. Growing and healing has made me a better girlfriend, mom, person, worker, student, etc. 8D. God is so good...

Sometimes I think God for unanswered prayers...

I am so glad I am with this man... I am glad the last man ran. I am so glad. That, in part, was my wake-up call and I have become better for it and met someone willing to work through it with me.

God is so good 8D

Cranberry sherberty-type goodness

You may notice a trend, but I'm a bit obsessed with cranberries... Well, maybe I'm a lot obsessed. This is the truth, my dad would buy me my own cranberry sauce almost every Thanksgiving and Christmas, so I wouldn't eat it all. We always had the gelatinous can-like mass, and with having to watch my sugar, the amount of carbs in a serving is not doable... So therefore, I keep figuring out my own cranberry recipes. Cranberries themselves are low in carbs, but they are pretty tart. I use Truvia and stevia a great deal in  my cooking, so my cranberry sauce is made with that as the sweetener, and usually halved... I like a bit of tartness in my cranberries. I like understated sweetness most of the time anyway, except for Cadbury eggs. But that is for another time 8D.

I made a cranberry sherbet tonight. I put the cranberries to boil with the sweetener. Let it boil, turned down to a simmer, and let it gel a bit. Blended it with some fake milk and ice. Put in the freezer for about 20 minutes and voila... it was tasty. I ate it all (no one in my household likes cranberries...)

Just a wee update

The semester is almost over (yaaaay). I'm hoping to get some good grades, so I won't spend long here. Just to say that the boys and I are doing well. The boyfriend and family is integrating well thus far. I'm tired at this point. Just sooo much transpiring, but so many blessings 8)

Thanksgiving and my attempt at a cranberry icebox pie

I have so much to be thankful for, so very much. We had a wonderful weekend. Most of it was quiet... But we spent the actual day with my boyfriend and his family... It was wonderful and everyone got along really well. I made my no sugar added cranberry sauce.

I'm working on where I'm going to school and moving to in the near future as well. Some big changes, but it's really exciting 8D.

I cut out the fabric for my best friend's socks... So one step in the right direction.

I just made a cranberry ice box pie...

1 package cranberries
1/3 cup corn starch
3/4 cup water
12 packets truvia or truvia substitute (My oldest says it needs more, but he doesn't like the tartness of cranberries, so keep that in mind as well 8D. So if you'd like it sweeter, more)

 put into a pot and over medium heat, bring to a boil. Reduce to a simmer. Stir vigorously. Allow it to thicken (takes one to two minutes). Let sit for a moment.

In this time, I made a nut-based pie crust. About 8 oz almonds, crushed (i used my coffee grinder from slivered almonds, but not everyone's coffee grinder would be up to the challenge... Another reason a magic bullet would be awesome 8D). Melt 1/4 cup butter and pour over crushed almonds. Heat for about 10 minutes in a 350 degree oven.

Next time, I think with the cranberry mix, i will add a few oz of Greek yogurt. I'm finding this to be an excellent cream cheese alternative. That should make it creamier... Just a thought... A little more testing 8D

I also made my own no-sugar-added whipped cream... I will learn how to do this with Greek yogurt as well for a lower fat version. I used 1 cup heavy whipping cream and 3 truvia packets. I mixed with a hand mixture.

I put the cranberry mixture in the cooled pie crust, and placed in the refrigerator for a bit. I put the whipped cream topping on after the cranberry had already solidified.

I thought it was pretty good for my first attempt 8D

Love Don't Run

This is a beautiful song... This is just how I feel about the romantic relationship I am in. There are still those moments I get scared, muchlessso than ever before, but they do occur... This song gives me peace. 8D I know I am in the right place and with the right person.

STEVE HOLY LYRICS

"Love Don't Run"

This is gonna hurt, this is gonna hurt like hell
This is gonna damn near kill me, sometimes the truth ain't easy
I know that you’re scared of telling me something
I don’t wanna hear, but baby believe that
I’m not leaving, you couldn’t give me one good reason

[Chorus:]
Love don’t run, love don’t hide
It won't turn away or back down from a fight
Baby I’m right here and I ain't going anywhere
Love’s too tough it wont give up no not on us
Baby Love don’t run

Let’s lay it on the line, I don’t care if it takes all night cause
This is gonna make us stronger, it’s gonna make forever longer
I know it’d be easier walking away but what we got is real
And I wanna save us, baby we can do it, Baby we’ll get through it 'cause...

[Chorus:]
Love don’t run, love don’t hide
It won't turn away or back down from a fight
Baby I’m right here and I ain't going anywhere
Love’s too tough, it wont give up no not on us
Baby Love don’t run
Baby love don’t run

[Bridge:]
So come over here and lay down in my arms
Baby tell me everything that’s on your heart, 'cause...

[Chorus:]
I won’t run, and I won’t hide
I won’t turn away, I just wanna make things right
Baby I’m right here and I ain't going anywhere
Love’s too tough it won’t give up no not on us
Baby Love don’t run
Baby Love don’t run

projects...

So I'm now done with the Sack Boy (knitted) and the thread-crocheted doll dress (for an American-girl sized doll). I have the following to do...

1. stocking for me (it was for someone else, but it'll work out 8D), due date 12/25 8D
2. M's Elephant - 2, est due date 12/2/2012
3. brown blanket for coworker - 1, continuous... est due date 12/5/2012
4. M's socks - est due date 12/2/2012
5. A's pillow case, due date 12/7/2012
6. T's socks, due date 12/28/2012
7. A's slippers, due date 12/28/2012
8. M's afghan, due date Christmasish
9. S's afghan, due date Christmasish
10. B's American Girl sized clothes closet -- Modge Podge Project... - Christmasish
11. K's present -- undecided on what for certain... either for bday or Christmas, making him a crocheted Tardis 8D. we'll see
12. D's present -- you read my blog 8D

That's all. /wipes brow...

Forgiveness

As I work more on being calm (it's going so well, btw...) I am doing much better than I have been in that. Forgiveness is important, imperative really. It's so true that forgiveness is sometimes more for the person that is asking for it than the one that is on the other side of it... So much of my anger was caused by the huge chip that grew and grew within me... No, not a computer chip... 8) The other chip... No, not a chocolate chip... Chocolate... Chocolate sounds good. I'm working on forgiving a few people... There are several people in the "I need to forgive them for not believing in me" category. God is good and forgiveness comes so much easier when prayer is involved. I am finding that more and more. My heart must be receptive to forgiveness, and God can make one's heart receptive faster than any other way.

I have a lot going on... A whole lot, and though I'm fretting a bit, I'm doing so much better with staying peaceful in stressful situations. God is good 8D.

The boys are doing well... So well in fact... I love them so so so much. T threw his back out last week, so momma got to nurse him to health as much as possible... He's doing better now... A is doing better in school, yaaaaay!

Grief -- I deal with grief a great deal. Today was my mom's birthday. I have been handling grief so well with all of my coping strategies. I got sad this morning. My boyfriend (i really don't like the term boyfriend. he's not a boy... The man with whom I choose to spend my time and seek a relationship that is open-ended in that we're open to it lasting inevitably is a bit long so I guess boyfriend must suffice.) is very supportive in my grief. I can be hard to handle in that... It's much easier now that I've found my foundation... My foundation was completely brittle prior to all of this self-change... I miss my mom and her support. Though we had hard times, she really helped me believe that I could do anything I set my mind to. Learning so much about myself has helped me to be more peaceful and kind-hearted in thinking of my mother... This is a *very* good thing...

Well, I need to finish crocheting a thread-dress by saturday early afternoon and my hands are tired, so I'm typing, because that makes sense... but I'm typing slowly... 8D

Next on the crafting front...

1. brown afghan for coworker
2. elephant for best friend
3. potentially a stocking
4. pillow case for A.
5. 2 pairs of socks for best friend...

These are all due by the first week in December... Brown afghan isn't, but I want to get it done asap... And finals are at the same time, etc 8) I can do this, because I am awesome 8D.