It can be easy for me not to nourish the spiritual side of myself to the point that is wise... I do, and then sometimes, I just cruise and forget a bit... I think that can be human. We are trying to go back to church... All because our sweet 7 year old said we needed to... And that service was truly one of the most impactful of my life.
It helps and the strength within is just something I can't put into words. 8)
I can't promise we'll be there every week, but be there we will 8D.
Monday, March 7, 2016
Friday, February 12, 2016
Perspective
Perspective is a huge word. Wow, everyone has something going on. We all are human. We all hurt. We all ache. We all love.
We all have a journey. We all have pain we are working to overcome.
No matter how bad our situation is, there are others that are going through worse.
Constantly, I have challenges from life, God, Spirit, however you might characterize it. I will ask what do I work on next, I will get a sense of what to do and continue to work on it. It may be to smile more. It may be to observe my dealings with others rather than reacting. It could be anything. It may be different challenges that build upon one another or I might be jumping around. This is how I heal, how I learn, how I become a better me.
This week has been very intriguing. I have had a bad week healthwise. And I'm having trouble hiding it. I push myself to all extents and I just didn't have it anymore and several saw it. It's one thing for my family members to know some of the limits of this, but when it's pretty bad, things get harder. Tempers flare, frustration ensues, and that's for everyone. Perspective is very deep in this part in that we all are coming from somewhere, but we have to find out where. Our reactions are a road map to the problems, to the pain sometimes. It can be pain from many years ago or from yesterday. Healing those pains in ourself help us to react less to others pain.
I've been opening myself up to this lesson and something unexpected happened. There are those times when people you know have scary situations you never knew about. I feel thankful for what i do have. I am sad they are going through all they are going through.
And this leads us to a lesson for me this week. There's a friendly acquaintance of mine that i ran into twice this week. The first time was no biggie, but a bit unusual. believe it or not, i just don't run into people that much around here. I'll say that and then there will be a huge deluge. And that would be fine 8). We saw a sign for a garage sale with something at the bottom that indicated it was to raise money for a certain disorder. Being that someone in our family has the disorder, we went there and I was surprised to see it was her. The family member affected by this disorder talked with her and she felt really helpless before, so that was good. In addition, she shared a little more of what was going on and it just opened my eyes in a different way. We all need to help each other. But there's that line that we have to help ourselves and everyone has crap to go through (maybe i'm using the word crap because it's literal right now since our toilets are backed up again). But the thing is there is so much to deal with. And this dance of learning and growing and healing is what we call living.
As i am trying to open up to others about my trials, it helps to see someone else do so. It gives me strength. As we ebb and flow in this ocean we call humanity, there is peace and strength in numbers. There is peace in us, sometimes it only is here when we are all working together. That is a very comforting thought.
We all have a journey. We all have pain we are working to overcome.
No matter how bad our situation is, there are others that are going through worse.
Constantly, I have challenges from life, God, Spirit, however you might characterize it. I will ask what do I work on next, I will get a sense of what to do and continue to work on it. It may be to smile more. It may be to observe my dealings with others rather than reacting. It could be anything. It may be different challenges that build upon one another or I might be jumping around. This is how I heal, how I learn, how I become a better me.
This week has been very intriguing. I have had a bad week healthwise. And I'm having trouble hiding it. I push myself to all extents and I just didn't have it anymore and several saw it. It's one thing for my family members to know some of the limits of this, but when it's pretty bad, things get harder. Tempers flare, frustration ensues, and that's for everyone. Perspective is very deep in this part in that we all are coming from somewhere, but we have to find out where. Our reactions are a road map to the problems, to the pain sometimes. It can be pain from many years ago or from yesterday. Healing those pains in ourself help us to react less to others pain.
I've been opening myself up to this lesson and something unexpected happened. There are those times when people you know have scary situations you never knew about. I feel thankful for what i do have. I am sad they are going through all they are going through.
And this leads us to a lesson for me this week. There's a friendly acquaintance of mine that i ran into twice this week. The first time was no biggie, but a bit unusual. believe it or not, i just don't run into people that much around here. I'll say that and then there will be a huge deluge. And that would be fine 8). We saw a sign for a garage sale with something at the bottom that indicated it was to raise money for a certain disorder. Being that someone in our family has the disorder, we went there and I was surprised to see it was her. The family member affected by this disorder talked with her and she felt really helpless before, so that was good. In addition, she shared a little more of what was going on and it just opened my eyes in a different way. We all need to help each other. But there's that line that we have to help ourselves and everyone has crap to go through (maybe i'm using the word crap because it's literal right now since our toilets are backed up again). But the thing is there is so much to deal with. And this dance of learning and growing and healing is what we call living.
As i am trying to open up to others about my trials, it helps to see someone else do so. It gives me strength. As we ebb and flow in this ocean we call humanity, there is peace and strength in numbers. There is peace in us, sometimes it only is here when we are all working together. That is a very comforting thought.
Monday, February 1, 2016
Reading, New Years Resolutions, etc
Well, I actually have (sort of) kept my New Years resolution so far...
I want to read 1 book per month.
I will start with a little aside... I have finished maybe 3 books in the last 18 months, since the Epilepsy diagnosis. My brain can be mush, so I forget a lot. I'm embarrassed by that, but it's also a fact. I can work with this. I can do this 8)
Soooo, I have been working on it, but didn't quite make it... So I read a comic book Saturday, lol... It was the first one of the Star Wars comics released early last year.
But, I did finish The Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner today. It's about how to observe our actions and how to see that anger is a road map for what we need to heal in ourselves. It really focuses on conflict and how our responsibility for our decisions is paramount. Anger is not a bad thing, but it can be more of a tool to help us be better and heal. I can't tell you how empowering this book has been. I bought it years ago, but wasn't quite ready for it... That's true with so much, I suppose 8)
I'm working on PS I Love you by Cecelia Ahern for February. This movie came to me at such a low time in my life. Though it was sad (in a sense, downright depressing), it gave me so much clarity for that time... What is true about everything is we are constantly peeling layers to deal with our past, our biology, our humanity, and everything else. Sometimes, it feels like we revisit the same lessons, but honestly, I think we get a little deeper everytime we revisit... That spirical motion is really how life is, as it is anything but linear. When I found this movie years ago (I saw it at the dollar theater alone), I feel it helped me continue to grow and make some huge changes in my life. I realized then and there how much I put into the thought of love for another that I had missed the love in and for me. I was able to gather the strength to realize I needed to let go of an unrequited love, but honestly it helped me with seeing more about the acceptance I wanted in many of my relationships, and how I had to better fill that for myself. My thoughts on love, on life, were even more obscure. I was trying to put myself into a mold that just didn't fit to be the "right person" for someone else... I had done that before and it didn't work so well (ended in divorce). I was able to get so much out of that movie. The book is good, but since it is quite a bit different, it's a bit difficult to not feel let down by it so far, though it is a wonderful book so far in its' own right.
Update - It looks like I will finish PS I Love you tonight. over 500 pages in a day. It has been awhile since I've finished a book that quickly 8) I love the differences of this book versus the movie. Her interactions with her family are especially interesting, but after reading the Anger book, I see conflictual triangles in her life as well. But I thoroughly recommend it.
So here is my reading goal. I hope to stick with it!!
I want to read 1 book per month.
I will start with a little aside... I have finished maybe 3 books in the last 18 months, since the Epilepsy diagnosis. My brain can be mush, so I forget a lot. I'm embarrassed by that, but it's also a fact. I can work with this. I can do this 8)
Soooo, I have been working on it, but didn't quite make it... So I read a comic book Saturday, lol... It was the first one of the Star Wars comics released early last year.
But, I did finish The Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner today. It's about how to observe our actions and how to see that anger is a road map for what we need to heal in ourselves. It really focuses on conflict and how our responsibility for our decisions is paramount. Anger is not a bad thing, but it can be more of a tool to help us be better and heal. I can't tell you how empowering this book has been. I bought it years ago, but wasn't quite ready for it... That's true with so much, I suppose 8)
I'm working on PS I Love you by Cecelia Ahern for February. This movie came to me at such a low time in my life. Though it was sad (in a sense, downright depressing), it gave me so much clarity for that time... What is true about everything is we are constantly peeling layers to deal with our past, our biology, our humanity, and everything else. Sometimes, it feels like we revisit the same lessons, but honestly, I think we get a little deeper everytime we revisit... That spirical motion is really how life is, as it is anything but linear. When I found this movie years ago (I saw it at the dollar theater alone), I feel it helped me continue to grow and make some huge changes in my life. I realized then and there how much I put into the thought of love for another that I had missed the love in and for me. I was able to gather the strength to realize I needed to let go of an unrequited love, but honestly it helped me with seeing more about the acceptance I wanted in many of my relationships, and how I had to better fill that for myself. My thoughts on love, on life, were even more obscure. I was trying to put myself into a mold that just didn't fit to be the "right person" for someone else... I had done that before and it didn't work so well (ended in divorce). I was able to get so much out of that movie. The book is good, but since it is quite a bit different, it's a bit difficult to not feel let down by it so far, though it is a wonderful book so far in its' own right.
Update - It looks like I will finish PS I Love you tonight. over 500 pages in a day. It has been awhile since I've finished a book that quickly 8) I love the differences of this book versus the movie. Her interactions with her family are especially interesting, but after reading the Anger book, I see conflictual triangles in her life as well. But I thoroughly recommend it.
So here is my reading goal. I hope to stick with it!!
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Life is hard
So much pain, so much heartache.
There is so much to deal with.
And the truth is -- there's a reason for this.
Life is hard.
It rolls on, even as we writhe in pain.
We hurt and ache and wonder why no one notices.
So often, friend, they do.
Unfortunately, we all have our pain to deal with...
I think that's hard for me sometimes. It's so hard to remember that.
Lately, I'm wondering how to keep on going while being cheerful at all times.
It seems to be too much.
And the truth is, we just can't always be happy...
We have to acknowledge our pain.
We must admit our fears.
This is so hard for many of us, myself included.
I do not even pretend to be perfect.
I'm learning every day.
Just like you, I fail and I work on it again for next time.
Sometimes I fail. Sometimes I succeed.
I am thankful for another day to keep trying.
There is so much to deal with.
And the truth is -- there's a reason for this.
Life is hard.
It rolls on, even as we writhe in pain.
We hurt and ache and wonder why no one notices.
So often, friend, they do.
Unfortunately, we all have our pain to deal with...
I think that's hard for me sometimes. It's so hard to remember that.
Lately, I'm wondering how to keep on going while being cheerful at all times.
It seems to be too much.
And the truth is, we just can't always be happy...
We have to acknowledge our pain.
We must admit our fears.
This is so hard for many of us, myself included.
I do not even pretend to be perfect.
I'm learning every day.
Just like you, I fail and I work on it again for next time.
Sometimes I fail. Sometimes I succeed.
I am thankful for another day to keep trying.
Friday, January 8, 2016
Believe
So much pain is around us.
It's everywhere. We all have it.
No one is immune to bad things in life.
Sometimes, it feels like we're knee deep in the river or even drowning.
What do we do?
How do we cope?
There are so many answers to this question.
Everyone will have a different response.
Different times, we need to heal in different ways.
Some ways of coping are more effective.
What does your spirit need?
That can be such a tough question to answer...
Why? Because we often dont know.
Our hearts and souls are protected by anger and fear.
I realize my way of protecting myself is not healthy.
My spirit is restored by painting,
by feeling the paint on my fingers.
By healing as I create beauty.
Every breath is a blessing.
Every thought is a blessing.
Every chance to heal, even when we're hurt is a true opportunity to greatness.
8)
Peace and Light dear readers
It's everywhere. We all have it.
No one is immune to bad things in life.
Sometimes, it feels like we're knee deep in the river or even drowning.
What do we do?
How do we cope?
There are so many answers to this question.
Everyone will have a different response.
Different times, we need to heal in different ways.
Some ways of coping are more effective.
What does your spirit need?
That can be such a tough question to answer...
Why? Because we often dont know.
Our hearts and souls are protected by anger and fear.
I realize my way of protecting myself is not healthy.
My spirit is restored by painting,
by feeling the paint on my fingers.
By healing as I create beauty.
Every breath is a blessing.
Every thought is a blessing.
Every chance to heal, even when we're hurt is a true opportunity to greatness.
8)
Peace and Light dear readers
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Thankful 12/29/2015
Gratitude -- I work on having a gratitude journal, somewhere, different depending on my subject matter. I admit, I have been terrible about doing this everyday. I see my daily reminder, and think, "Oh, yeah, that!" and promptly forget 8)
Well, as we close the end of this year, I have so many thoughts, prayers, thankfulness, and hope all at once.
1. I am thankful for perspective. I have been reading "The Dance of Anger" by Harriet Goldhor Lerner and I find this book very inspiring. It speaks to how women constantly sacrifice and then the anger rears its ugly head in a negative way because feelings aren't admitted and worked on. I do find this isn't just for women, but it's partially tailored toward the place women have in this society, but again, i think this could be helpful for a lot of people. We all can learn so much and I am no exception. I am responsible for my reactions, for the way my brain processes. It sometimes feels so overwhelming, but it's amazing to have opportunity to be better.
2. I am thankful for more answers regarding my epilepsy by the end of this year. Though I found some things that are strange or odd, I know answers are good and we will slay this dragon!!
3. I am super thankful for my amazing family. These eclectic people may all not be related to me, but they are family just the same.
4. I am thankful for the safety of those who have made it through the North Texas tornadoes. We don't always think about the devastation until it's nearby... The loss of life and the loss of so many homes is just surreal. There's so much coverage on most of it, so that is a big reason why too. My heart goes out to all of the lost fur babies as well 8(
5. I am thankful to be able to grow, to heal, to learn who I am, who I can be. I am thankful for these opportunities!!
Be well, friend. Take care of yourself in this new year and be well.
Love and light.
Well, as we close the end of this year, I have so many thoughts, prayers, thankfulness, and hope all at once.
1. I am thankful for perspective. I have been reading "The Dance of Anger" by Harriet Goldhor Lerner and I find this book very inspiring. It speaks to how women constantly sacrifice and then the anger rears its ugly head in a negative way because feelings aren't admitted and worked on. I do find this isn't just for women, but it's partially tailored toward the place women have in this society, but again, i think this could be helpful for a lot of people. We all can learn so much and I am no exception. I am responsible for my reactions, for the way my brain processes. It sometimes feels so overwhelming, but it's amazing to have opportunity to be better.
2. I am thankful for more answers regarding my epilepsy by the end of this year. Though I found some things that are strange or odd, I know answers are good and we will slay this dragon!!
3. I am super thankful for my amazing family. These eclectic people may all not be related to me, but they are family just the same.
4. I am thankful for the safety of those who have made it through the North Texas tornadoes. We don't always think about the devastation until it's nearby... The loss of life and the loss of so many homes is just surreal. There's so much coverage on most of it, so that is a big reason why too. My heart goes out to all of the lost fur babies as well 8(
5. I am thankful to be able to grow, to heal, to learn who I am, who I can be. I am thankful for these opportunities!!
Be well, friend. Take care of yourself in this new year and be well.
Love and light.
Thursday, November 5, 2015
Peace
Where do we go when peace is so fleeting?
What do we do when the world feels upside down?
How do we cope when there is a torrential downpour in our lives, and we're bailing the water out of our boat with a teaspoon?
I know I could give so many answers here, I could give the ones we hear in Sunday school that can get us through to a point.
I could also give answers looking at the positive...
I could give the answers that love gets us through everything
There are so many ways to answer those questions.
I think there are different answers for different times.
I know that God gives us strength. He helps us through these dark times.
After all, peace is not the lack of hard times. It's the strength and the hope and the love around us that gives us the strength to persevere. There are so many elements that mix up to become a better potion to handle what we all go through -- life. I was reminded in a very poignant post on Facebook that we are always taught and told to only stay in the light, to not allow the other half of us to be shown. Our whole self needs to be involved in living. That balance, that peace of allowing our whole selves to be loved by all who know us is more important than any other thought I could give you.
I have some beliefs that are considered New Age. (I'm a Christian who feels like there is not just one religion or one way to believe in Christ. ) So many well meaning people will tell me not to dwell on any negative aspect of my disease, to not dwell on any negative at all. The issue with that is this is my life, our lives and our struggles need not be ignored. Being positive and strong does not mean in any way that we can't admit what's happening to our lives, to our bodies. I find when I am trying to just be strong and ignore every concern, every symptom, I do worse. My hurt, my fear, my anger, they all have to go somewhere. When I was reading one of Barry Neal Kaufman's books, he mentioned to embrace those illnesses, those trials that are happening to us. Talk to it, embrace it, be friends with it... I think I spend so much time fighting what is in my body, I am using so much energy in fighting what I cannot control, I can just let go. I can just let go of what I can't control, which is the trick to knowing that at this time, I cannot change my epilepsy. that energy, that beautiful, fiery energy that I have been trying to hide can be used to work on healing in other ways.
I have been so emotional lately. Tears just well up all the time. I'm a bit tired of it, but I've missed it. I have compartmentalized so much emotion, dealing with what I can when I can... But the truth is, I do better when I embrace the pain, when I am with the journey, and not fighting the current of the river. Should I fight this disease? Of course!!! Absolutely!! This thing will not take me!!! I will do everything I can to help find a cure, to heal my heart that just doesn't seem to heal sometimes.
In regards to love, Love helps so much. Support helps so much. What I found though, what is so important, dear reader, if you do not have a good support system is to keep the following in mind. No matter how much love is around you, if you don't love yourself, it will not be enough. Sometimes, even with family, those critical, scary moments you have to endure and or fight, it all starts with you... Is it good to have a positive attitude? Of course!!!! Is it important to understand that just ignoring the negative doesn't mean it will go away? that's critical. It's important to handle your hurt. You have to acknowledge your pain and heal each individual wound. It will take a lifetime as there can be a lot of pain. Choosing not to be angry about the little things (and the things you can control) is paramount and a battle i have frequently, but knowing that difference, that's the key... That's not easy.
This ride, this life, is a beautiful, crazy, wacky thing... And I am glad to be here. 8)
Sincerely,
Intelligent Airhead
What do we do when the world feels upside down?
How do we cope when there is a torrential downpour in our lives, and we're bailing the water out of our boat with a teaspoon?
I know I could give so many answers here, I could give the ones we hear in Sunday school that can get us through to a point.
I could also give answers looking at the positive...
I could give the answers that love gets us through everything
There are so many ways to answer those questions.
I think there are different answers for different times.
I know that God gives us strength. He helps us through these dark times.
After all, peace is not the lack of hard times. It's the strength and the hope and the love around us that gives us the strength to persevere. There are so many elements that mix up to become a better potion to handle what we all go through -- life. I was reminded in a very poignant post on Facebook that we are always taught and told to only stay in the light, to not allow the other half of us to be shown. Our whole self needs to be involved in living. That balance, that peace of allowing our whole selves to be loved by all who know us is more important than any other thought I could give you.
I have some beliefs that are considered New Age. (I'm a Christian who feels like there is not just one religion or one way to believe in Christ. ) So many well meaning people will tell me not to dwell on any negative aspect of my disease, to not dwell on any negative at all. The issue with that is this is my life, our lives and our struggles need not be ignored. Being positive and strong does not mean in any way that we can't admit what's happening to our lives, to our bodies. I find when I am trying to just be strong and ignore every concern, every symptom, I do worse. My hurt, my fear, my anger, they all have to go somewhere. When I was reading one of Barry Neal Kaufman's books, he mentioned to embrace those illnesses, those trials that are happening to us. Talk to it, embrace it, be friends with it... I think I spend so much time fighting what is in my body, I am using so much energy in fighting what I cannot control, I can just let go. I can just let go of what I can't control, which is the trick to knowing that at this time, I cannot change my epilepsy. that energy, that beautiful, fiery energy that I have been trying to hide can be used to work on healing in other ways.
I have been so emotional lately. Tears just well up all the time. I'm a bit tired of it, but I've missed it. I have compartmentalized so much emotion, dealing with what I can when I can... But the truth is, I do better when I embrace the pain, when I am with the journey, and not fighting the current of the river. Should I fight this disease? Of course!!! Absolutely!! This thing will not take me!!! I will do everything I can to help find a cure, to heal my heart that just doesn't seem to heal sometimes.
In regards to love, Love helps so much. Support helps so much. What I found though, what is so important, dear reader, if you do not have a good support system is to keep the following in mind. No matter how much love is around you, if you don't love yourself, it will not be enough. Sometimes, even with family, those critical, scary moments you have to endure and or fight, it all starts with you... Is it good to have a positive attitude? Of course!!!! Is it important to understand that just ignoring the negative doesn't mean it will go away? that's critical. It's important to handle your hurt. You have to acknowledge your pain and heal each individual wound. It will take a lifetime as there can be a lot of pain. Choosing not to be angry about the little things (and the things you can control) is paramount and a battle i have frequently, but knowing that difference, that's the key... That's not easy.
This ride, this life, is a beautiful, crazy, wacky thing... And I am glad to be here. 8)
Sincerely,
Intelligent Airhead
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