My deep thought...

I have been bettering myself and working on fixing issues within me, so that I may operate as a better person, like I long to become. I have discovered a flaw within myself that helps me to not care quite as much what others think....

Are you ready?

My self-worth is not contingent on what others think of me or how they treat me. That is their choice.

It doesn't mean I shouldn't be a nice person. But I don't have to bend over backwards, beyond where most sane humans would take themselves. I have taken myself past the point of self-sacrifice, which is ok at times, but when there's not enough for me or my children, that's not ok.

My choice is to live my life in a way that I am proud of.

I was just starting to understand to a better extent about not caring what others think, but this takes it to a whole new level.

I feel so free. It's as if the chains that bind me have broken, and a stronger Holly is now here.

I am hereby relinquishing my theme song. It was Not Pretty Enough by Kasey Chambers. I am going to post it one last time. Im not saying I'll never feel this way again, but I will do my best to ensure that it doesn't once again, become a way of life for me.


Not Pretty Enough by Kasey Chambers
Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart to broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break
I crave, I love, I've waited long enough
I try as hard as I can

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart to broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

I laugh, I feel, I make believe it's real
I fall, I freeze, I pray down on my knees
I hope, I stand, I take it like a man
I try as hard as I can

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart to broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

Why do you see
Why do you see
Why do you see right through me
Why do you see
Why do you see
Why do you see right through me
Why do you see
Why do you see
Why do you see right through me
Why do you see
Why do you see
Why do you see right through me

These Pines by Kasey Chambers

These pines are not the ones that i'm used to
They won't carry me home when I cry
Am I too far gone to recover
Or can I turn if I try
Should I trade my soul for another
Should I stay and pretend that I'm happy
Like so many times before

Yeah these pines
Are not mine
They don't smell so sweet
like the ones in my mind
And I search the needles
'Til I run out of time
But I don't see you in These Pines.

Di I stumble or falter my words
When I'm saying everything is all right
I'm not one to release my depression
But these trees bring it out every night
Well i don't talk 'cos I'm trying to listen
To the wind take me home through these leaves
But it's quiet and don't hear nothing
Cos the wind doesn't blow through these trees