I am beautiful

When I was struggling to love myself all the time, someone told me to agape love myself... Love all of me. Love the good parts, the bad parts, every single moment... (whispers: this is easier said than done)

I have been having really bad seizures lately. Meds are not therapeutic, so we have to up the doses... That's fine. I'm glad to have a plan...

This has taken me awhile, so here is my declaration:

I love all of me. I love me even when I can't smile (the seizures cause my left side to not obey as it were...)

I love me even when I'm cranky or hangry.

I love me even when I'm exhausted from just walking 50 feet.

I love me almost every moment. I slip up too... We all do.

My heart is full.

I know I am loved. I love in return.

I love more than I ever have, because I allow it into my once cracked heart.

My soul heals with every moment, as I breathe, knowing Christ is King.

Knowing Spirit is around me and blessing me and giving me the strength to bless others.

I know...

I know that I don't know everything.

I know life is this unpredictable, sometimes scary journey.

What I know is I want to live this journey to the best of my ability.

I am so glad to be living in this moment.


I did something strange in the last 24 hours. I posted two pictures. One was of me with my husband, dancing our first dance at our reception. I was sporting my insulin pump for #showmeyourpump.

The next one is slightly more daring. I took my picture with my smile during a seizure day... I do this because we can all do this. We can put one foot in front of the other. We can enjoy life. We can learn to love. We can learn to love ourselves, others and be kind to ourselves and others. We can be better and keep on swimming 8D

So my challenge to you, dear reader, is to care for yourself and love yourself. You can conquer life and whatever trials that are in front of you.

Time flies

While I have been shaking, rattling and rolling, life happens 8) After all, I'm shaking, not stirred...

Haha... I love seizure disorder puns 8D....

Well, next week, I am getting married... Oh my gosh, next week, I am getting MAAARRRIED. I am so excited. I can't begin to tell you... Things are coming together, even though I'm overwhelmed, tired, and overworked...

I'm working full-time again, and I just don't have that pep in my step I used to have...

I have a good set of doctors in my corner... New medication and all that as well...

So many good things happened.

Our family moved to a different area. It's the area I grew up in, and that is wonderful for our growing family as well.

We also got a new (to us) vehicle we can all easily fit into.

Life is good and coming together 8)

Seize the day!

I have seizure disorder and apparently, unchecked, it can cause stroke-like symptoms. I think I have had this for awhile, but we had no idea what it was. We're still sorting the exact type, but we're getting there. I'm shopping for id bracelets and such and I will post as soon as I get one. The one I want is soooo awesome... I can't believe I'm this excited about a medical ID, but alas I am. 8D

God is good. He has given me so much strength through this. My fiancee, Dave, has been amazing. He was such a wonderful caregiver through all of this, as for awhile I couldn't do the simplest tasks. My loss of independence and loss of speech was the most difficult to endure.

I am looking for different options available to me, and it's pretty exciting. There is a lot of information out there, but i'll admit to a lot of it being pretty scary.

I'm sorry I'm not here much.

I plan on checking in more, as this journey has morphed quite a bit.

I feel i have had this disorder and diabetes for quite some time. I think this is the time in my life that I have such a strong support system and I am better able to endure all of this. I am working daily at being more peaceful and I'll be honest, dealing with all of this is so scary. But it gives such a beautiful meaning to living! I am so thankful for every single breath. Every moment is much more cherished in my heart and mind 8D.

Tired but hanging in....

So much has happened. After trying to find out the cause of my abdominal pain, we found I have an inflamed gallbladder. Two weeks ago, we removed it. I was starting to get better...

And then a pain and extreme numbness was present on my left hand. I made an appointment for my endocrinologist (I have diabetic neuropathy and thought this was related). My fiancée and I were almost there when the numbness spread to my left side and my speech became very slow at times (think gabby Gifford or Diane Rehm.) my left side of my face went limp. We went straight to the er. They did tests and no stroke or heart attack so I need to see a neurologist. So I I got sent to another hospital to be admitted and was sent to their er. The er was packed. I spent 3 hours in a bed in the hall of the er. The er dr redid my MRI and said no stroke. He sent me home saying it could wait. Many friends have been shocked of this fact... So I went to my pcp who was shocked as well that I wasn't admitted. She is getting me into a neurologist as well. I now have a resting tremor in my left side. Lots of pain. Walking is not fun sometimes. We take so much for granted. Some days are better than others. The good thing is I have a good team on my side and I am so blessed.

I'm still here

I'm here, albeit exhausted... I have been pretty sick. We are still sorting it out. So more doctors and such. God is good. Dave is amazing. I am very happy to have him in my life. The wedding day is getting closer and closer . I picked out the dress so that's exciting as well. I hope to write more soon.