I'm noticing something I'm really working on. I don't mean to babble and overwhelm. I'm really working on figuring where I am and how i can help every relationship in my life. I am different, and I don't know how to make myself the same as before. I am finally getting ok with not being the same. I am beautiful none the less.
My brain works slower and I feel i make way too many mistakes socially, but I think this was always me. I'm working so hard to exercise that I am me and I do my best. Accept me or dont. I got better at that and I will get better again.
I am so sorry I am not always considerate. I am so sorry I don't remember things and I can be cranky. I feel so blank, so strange. Some days can really be rough. Some days are better. What I know is there are ways to make me better. What I know is there are ways to heal my heart and soul and thus my body. Meditation helps, but it is overwhelming at times. I feel like I'm trying to hold back the Mississippi river with a toothpick. My anger seems never ending and I think so much of it is I'm afraid. I'm afraid that person over there is going to laugh at me. I'm afraid this disease will get worse and sometimes I get afraid this disease could take my life (im at a high risk for SUDEP - sudden death in epilepsy.) Im working on not being afraid, but being at peace and in a healing place. I get too cranky sometimes and I'm working so hard to be better.
Healing is from the inside out and sometimes i have to be so strong because I'm so weak.
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