Forgiving revisited

I must come back to the foundational part of forgiveness, and why I am struggling with it. It's strange. Those I love unconditionally or close to are forgiven easily... What is so difficult for me to forgive? Promising to be one way and not measuring up and being apathetic about it. This is something I realize I must face headon. I am realizing that those that make promises that they don't intend to keep don't have a place in my life. If they do, it's minimal. I must forgive them... To forgive does not mean I have to have a casserole with them. It means that I let it go and I have complete peace when thinking about said situation.... I have several situations I am letting go. I need to move on... In most of these cases, I don't want them as an active part in my life. In part, I want an apology... But what has an apology been to me? an absolving of wrong-doing. I know I did things wrong in every situation in which I speak. I have apologized and I would like it to be reciprocated... Why? I have dug deep for this within my heart and soul... I figure that it has to do with self-esteem. I don't feel good enough because they blame me in such a way, to have been the failure in the situation... Some family members are who I speak of as well as other situations... I realize that I am enough and I don't need their blessing, their absolution or their forgiveness. i have God's forgiveness and God's peace and that is enough....

I have my children who mean so much to me.

I have some wonderful friends and some good family members that are so good to us.

And I have a good man in my life that is willing to work through the tough situations... He doesn't run or balk. He helps me fix the mess I've made in parts of my life. We are there for each other and I am so glad to have him in my life. Growing and healing has made me a better girlfriend, mom, person, worker, student, etc. 8D. God is so good...

Sometimes I think God for unanswered prayers...

I am so glad I am with this man... I am glad the last man ran. I am so glad. That, in part, was my wake-up call and I have become better for it and met someone willing to work through it with me.

God is so good 8D