Thinking out Loud by Ed Sheeran

A friend posted the lyrics of this song on facebook and I cried... I love this song. the first two lines mean the world to me... Not really familiar with many Ed Sheeran songs (i know who he is, but couldn't tell you the songs he sings...) This song means so much. We are human. My left leg is very picky. It likes to work when it feels like it 8D. Just a lot of weakness on my left side and that makes walking a tough endeavor at times... It's hard, hard to be more dependant, to change so much in routine and to work that much harder to stay positive. There is so much beauty in being open as we walk our journeys... And allowing those to carry us when we need it 8) Life is good 8D

"Thinking Out Loud"

When your legs don't work like they used to before
And I can't sweep you off of your feet
Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love?
Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?

And, darling, I will be loving you 'til we're 70
And, baby, my heart could still fall as hard at 23
And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe just the touch of a hand
Well, me—I fall in love with you every single day
And I just wanna tell you I am

So honey now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
I'm thinking out loud
That maybe we found love right where we are

When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades
And the crowds don't remember my name
When my hands don't play the strings the same way
I know you will still love me the same

'Cause honey your soul could never grow old, it's evergreen
And, baby, your smile's forever in my mind and memory
I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe it's all part of a plan
Well, I'll just keep on making the same mistakes
Hoping that you'll understand

But, baby, now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
Thinking out loud
That maybe we found love right where we are

So, baby, now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Oh, darling, place your head on my beating heart
I'm thinking out loud
That maybe we found love right where we are
Oh, baby, we found love right where we are
And we found love right where we are

Yaaaawn

I am sleepy... Unfortunately, I have an upper respiratory thing again (again, ugh), so therefore I'm awake... Coughing quite a bit, but at least I'm getting exercise 8D. Throwing a lot of remidies at it, and hopefully I will feel better soon... Hopefully, it doesn't take over everyone in the household.

Besides being sleep deprived, I know there is so much to be thankful for. As so much pain and evil bombards us, I feel there is so much good, so much love, so much kindness. There is peace in that 8D.

I have so many craft projects still on my radar. Oh my goodness, so many... It's rather sad, I am much slower at crocheting and knitting. my left hand is so weak sometimes, so it lacks strength to do crafts for very long... I enjoy what I can do, as long as I don't worry about my long list...

To all who are reading this, I'm sending love and light your way. I hope all is well. I hope all will be well. Be well.

Pity party averted -- survival guide

I was about to get out the streamers and the confetti and even the big pity party sign (i only pull that one out on special occasions 8)), but I prayed.. Prayed on what to do, what to work on, where to go. I often do this. I try to (not enough) ask what I should work on next. God (in Spirit, or the Spirit, or positive helpers, sometimes all) will nudge me... or just life will. It can be something that exercises what i need to work on or something happens that shows me (sometimes in a tough way) that I have something I need to do, whether it be to forgive, to let certain thoughts go, to be open-minded, to just be, to work on something specific... It happens gently and usually it happens quickly... If i ask, "What do I need to do to help my growth?" I hear about a book or Anne Lamott (or Elizabeth Gilbert or Brave Girls Club or Trent Reznor 8), etc) write something so prolific, I know I must act. I know I must think on that morsel. It can be something I have read so many times, but it's for that one moment, it transforms my path into something completely different. These down times can feel so lonely and terrible, but in those times, we find peace and we grow. The world looks different, my burden seems lighter, and I see ways to make it even lighter than it is now. I am working on that... I can find ways to make my life (even somewhat) better. I got down because I am not able to do as much as I feel I need to do or want to do. We are learning to prioritize but it takes time and practice 8).

So here is a survival guide: If you are down, some options are to:

1. Pray, think, meditate, just be, yoga, just rest for a moment to be, etc.
2. find 5 things you are thankful for.
3. in every moment, even if it's hard, find the bright side out of it.
4. We all need to cry, talk things out, etc. It's good to do these things, It just can be hard to get out after days and weeks, etc. I try to set myself a time. 1 minute of being angry, then I have to get myself back to calm. I can do so again, it just helps to know you can get back... So many times, calm feels better and I can understand the situation more. Journals are tremendous. Live journal is great in that you can make posts just to yourself. I treat that like a personal journal sometimes as it has an app as well.
5. do something you love, read, paint, write, whatnot.
6. hug a child, hug a family member.
7. list 5 reasons you love the person you're looking at, even if you're looking in the mirror.

i know i will think of more...

Be well. Peace, love and light... until next time

Shaken but somewhat stirred

I'm noticing something I'm really working on. I don't mean to babble and overwhelm. I'm really working on figuring where I am and how i can help every relationship in my life. I am different, and I don't know how to make myself the same as before. I am finally getting ok with not being the same. I am beautiful none the less. 

My brain works slower and I feel i make way too many mistakes socially, but I think this was always me. I'm working so hard to exercise that I am me and I do my best. Accept me or dont. I got better at that and I will get better again. 

I am so sorry I am not always considerate. I am so sorry I don't remember things and I can be cranky. I feel so blank, so strange. Some days can really be rough. Some days are better. What I know is there are ways to make me better. What I know is there are ways to heal my heart and soul and thus my body. Meditation helps, but it is overwhelming at times. I feel like I'm trying to hold back the Mississippi river with a toothpick. My anger seems never ending and I think so much of it is I'm afraid. I'm afraid that person over there is going to laugh at me. I'm afraid this disease will get worse and sometimes I get afraid this disease could take my life (im at a high risk for SUDEP - sudden death in epilepsy.) Im working on not being afraid, but being at peace and in a healing place. I get too cranky sometimes and I'm working so hard to be better. 

Healing is from the inside out and sometimes i have to be so strong because I'm so weak. 

Here I am!

Well, I have been spotty at best in blogging. I have been keeping a private diary, it's just better that way for much of what I am dealing with, so I sometimes don't do much with this particular blog...

I am still seizing, but we're at the 50 seizure per day mark. I realized today it might be a lot more than that... I don't always know, so i don't remember to count them... I'm so happy we have gotten so far, but I'm trying to find ways to help me more.

My family is doing wonderful. I am so proud of them. They are wonderful. Time flies by.

I am beautiful

When I was struggling to love myself all the time, someone told me to agape love myself... Love all of me. Love the good parts, the bad parts, every single moment... (whispers: this is easier said than done)

I have been having really bad seizures lately. Meds are not therapeutic, so we have to up the doses... That's fine. I'm glad to have a plan...

This has taken me awhile, so here is my declaration:

I love all of me. I love me even when I can't smile (the seizures cause my left side to not obey as it were...)

I love me even when I'm cranky or hangry.

I love me even when I'm exhausted from just walking 50 feet.

I love me almost every moment. I slip up too... We all do.

My heart is full.

I know I am loved. I love in return.

I love more than I ever have, because I allow it into my once cracked heart.

My soul heals with every moment, as I breathe, knowing Christ is King.

Knowing Spirit is around me and blessing me and giving me the strength to bless others.

I know...

I know that I don't know everything.

I know life is this unpredictable, sometimes scary journey.

What I know is I want to live this journey to the best of my ability.

I am so glad to be living in this moment.


I did something strange in the last 24 hours. I posted two pictures. One was of me with my husband, dancing our first dance at our reception. I was sporting my insulin pump for #showmeyourpump.

The next one is slightly more daring. I took my picture with my smile during a seizure day... I do this because we can all do this. We can put one foot in front of the other. We can enjoy life. We can learn to love. We can learn to love ourselves, others and be kind to ourselves and others. We can be better and keep on swimming 8D

So my challenge to you, dear reader, is to care for yourself and love yourself. You can conquer life and whatever trials that are in front of you.

Time flies

While I have been shaking, rattling and rolling, life happens 8) After all, I'm shaking, not stirred...

Haha... I love seizure disorder puns 8D....

Well, next week, I am getting married... Oh my gosh, next week, I am getting MAAARRRIED. I am so excited. I can't begin to tell you... Things are coming together, even though I'm overwhelmed, tired, and overworked...

I'm working full-time again, and I just don't have that pep in my step I used to have...

I have a good set of doctors in my corner... New medication and all that as well...

So many good things happened.

Our family moved to a different area. It's the area I grew up in, and that is wonderful for our growing family as well.

We also got a new (to us) vehicle we can all easily fit into.

Life is good and coming together 8)