one of "those" days...

I'm having one of those days. Work was crazy, and I got a bit frazzled... I stayed in control and did well... But today, my internal anger was worse than it had been in weeks. I didn't act on it, and I really really worked to make sure that I wouldn't... I started examining past relationships... i get here sometimes, I start examining my past to ensure a better future. It can be good *to a point*. It's not good when I get in these moods... I see now something very profound... In most relationships I have been in, there are time constraints. That's just how it is when dating when you're a parent and have a job and now I'm in school, etc. That makes it easy to justify the lack of contact and such that you may have with someone... I'm not used to spending a lot of time with someone... I will be utterly honest that I still sometimes wonder if I'm healthy enough to embark on a longterm relationship... I feel this way at the moment... I don't want to hurt people... I know it can be said that I can expect too much at times... I think that may be true... I used to be codependent... This is something I've worked on for years. My strength is in me through God... I know I am strong enough. I am constantly growing and I can do this... The man I'm with now, we contact each other when we can.... I feel so completely loved. i see that this is important... in the past, i've felt neglected when I didn't have human interaction (not just in a relationship, people in general). In realizing I was neglecting myself, this has helped so much... This has helped me approach this new relationship in a much healthier light...

So, everything else is going well. The boys are doing well. School's going well. Orchestra is going well for them. They're growing so much 8D. School for me is tough and I'm tired. /sigh. But I'm hanging in there 8D.

Right now, I'm missing something though... I am just having a day, I know... This too shall pass.

Love and light to you all...

Intelligent Airhead