Gratitude -- I work on having a gratitude journal, somewhere, different depending on my subject matter. I admit, I have been terrible about doing this everyday. I see my daily reminder, and think, "Oh, yeah, that!" and promptly forget 8)
Well, as we close the end of this year, I have so many thoughts, prayers, thankfulness, and hope all at once.
1. I am thankful for perspective. I have been reading "The Dance of Anger" by Harriet Goldhor Lerner and I find this book very inspiring. It speaks to how women constantly sacrifice and then the anger rears its ugly head in a negative way because feelings aren't admitted and worked on. I do find this isn't just for women, but it's partially tailored toward the place women have in this society, but again, i think this could be helpful for a lot of people. We all can learn so much and I am no exception. I am responsible for my reactions, for the way my brain processes. It sometimes feels so overwhelming, but it's amazing to have opportunity to be better.
2. I am thankful for more answers regarding my epilepsy by the end of this year. Though I found some things that are strange or odd, I know answers are good and we will slay this dragon!!
3. I am super thankful for my amazing family. These eclectic people may all not be related to me, but they are family just the same.
4. I am thankful for the safety of those who have made it through the North Texas tornadoes. We don't always think about the devastation until it's nearby... The loss of life and the loss of so many homes is just surreal. There's so much coverage on most of it, so that is a big reason why too. My heart goes out to all of the lost fur babies as well 8(
5. I am thankful to be able to grow, to heal, to learn who I am, who I can be. I am thankful for these opportunities!!
Be well, friend. Take care of yourself in this new year and be well.
Love and light.
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Thursday, November 5, 2015
Peace
Where do we go when peace is so fleeting?
What do we do when the world feels upside down?
How do we cope when there is a torrential downpour in our lives, and we're bailing the water out of our boat with a teaspoon?
I know I could give so many answers here, I could give the ones we hear in Sunday school that can get us through to a point.
I could also give answers looking at the positive...
I could give the answers that love gets us through everything
There are so many ways to answer those questions.
I think there are different answers for different times.
I know that God gives us strength. He helps us through these dark times.
After all, peace is not the lack of hard times. It's the strength and the hope and the love around us that gives us the strength to persevere. There are so many elements that mix up to become a better potion to handle what we all go through -- life. I was reminded in a very poignant post on Facebook that we are always taught and told to only stay in the light, to not allow the other half of us to be shown. Our whole self needs to be involved in living. That balance, that peace of allowing our whole selves to be loved by all who know us is more important than any other thought I could give you.
I have some beliefs that are considered New Age. (I'm a Christian who feels like there is not just one religion or one way to believe in Christ. ) So many well meaning people will tell me not to dwell on any negative aspect of my disease, to not dwell on any negative at all. The issue with that is this is my life, our lives and our struggles need not be ignored. Being positive and strong does not mean in any way that we can't admit what's happening to our lives, to our bodies. I find when I am trying to just be strong and ignore every concern, every symptom, I do worse. My hurt, my fear, my anger, they all have to go somewhere. When I was reading one of Barry Neal Kaufman's books, he mentioned to embrace those illnesses, those trials that are happening to us. Talk to it, embrace it, be friends with it... I think I spend so much time fighting what is in my body, I am using so much energy in fighting what I cannot control, I can just let go. I can just let go of what I can't control, which is the trick to knowing that at this time, I cannot change my epilepsy. that energy, that beautiful, fiery energy that I have been trying to hide can be used to work on healing in other ways.
I have been so emotional lately. Tears just well up all the time. I'm a bit tired of it, but I've missed it. I have compartmentalized so much emotion, dealing with what I can when I can... But the truth is, I do better when I embrace the pain, when I am with the journey, and not fighting the current of the river. Should I fight this disease? Of course!!! Absolutely!! This thing will not take me!!! I will do everything I can to help find a cure, to heal my heart that just doesn't seem to heal sometimes.
In regards to love, Love helps so much. Support helps so much. What I found though, what is so important, dear reader, if you do not have a good support system is to keep the following in mind. No matter how much love is around you, if you don't love yourself, it will not be enough. Sometimes, even with family, those critical, scary moments you have to endure and or fight, it all starts with you... Is it good to have a positive attitude? Of course!!!! Is it important to understand that just ignoring the negative doesn't mean it will go away? that's critical. It's important to handle your hurt. You have to acknowledge your pain and heal each individual wound. It will take a lifetime as there can be a lot of pain. Choosing not to be angry about the little things (and the things you can control) is paramount and a battle i have frequently, but knowing that difference, that's the key... That's not easy.
This ride, this life, is a beautiful, crazy, wacky thing... And I am glad to be here. 8)
Sincerely,
Intelligent Airhead
What do we do when the world feels upside down?
How do we cope when there is a torrential downpour in our lives, and we're bailing the water out of our boat with a teaspoon?
I know I could give so many answers here, I could give the ones we hear in Sunday school that can get us through to a point.
I could also give answers looking at the positive...
I could give the answers that love gets us through everything
There are so many ways to answer those questions.
I think there are different answers for different times.
I know that God gives us strength. He helps us through these dark times.
After all, peace is not the lack of hard times. It's the strength and the hope and the love around us that gives us the strength to persevere. There are so many elements that mix up to become a better potion to handle what we all go through -- life. I was reminded in a very poignant post on Facebook that we are always taught and told to only stay in the light, to not allow the other half of us to be shown. Our whole self needs to be involved in living. That balance, that peace of allowing our whole selves to be loved by all who know us is more important than any other thought I could give you.
I have some beliefs that are considered New Age. (I'm a Christian who feels like there is not just one religion or one way to believe in Christ. ) So many well meaning people will tell me not to dwell on any negative aspect of my disease, to not dwell on any negative at all. The issue with that is this is my life, our lives and our struggles need not be ignored. Being positive and strong does not mean in any way that we can't admit what's happening to our lives, to our bodies. I find when I am trying to just be strong and ignore every concern, every symptom, I do worse. My hurt, my fear, my anger, they all have to go somewhere. When I was reading one of Barry Neal Kaufman's books, he mentioned to embrace those illnesses, those trials that are happening to us. Talk to it, embrace it, be friends with it... I think I spend so much time fighting what is in my body, I am using so much energy in fighting what I cannot control, I can just let go. I can just let go of what I can't control, which is the trick to knowing that at this time, I cannot change my epilepsy. that energy, that beautiful, fiery energy that I have been trying to hide can be used to work on healing in other ways.
I have been so emotional lately. Tears just well up all the time. I'm a bit tired of it, but I've missed it. I have compartmentalized so much emotion, dealing with what I can when I can... But the truth is, I do better when I embrace the pain, when I am with the journey, and not fighting the current of the river. Should I fight this disease? Of course!!! Absolutely!! This thing will not take me!!! I will do everything I can to help find a cure, to heal my heart that just doesn't seem to heal sometimes.
In regards to love, Love helps so much. Support helps so much. What I found though, what is so important, dear reader, if you do not have a good support system is to keep the following in mind. No matter how much love is around you, if you don't love yourself, it will not be enough. Sometimes, even with family, those critical, scary moments you have to endure and or fight, it all starts with you... Is it good to have a positive attitude? Of course!!!! Is it important to understand that just ignoring the negative doesn't mean it will go away? that's critical. It's important to handle your hurt. You have to acknowledge your pain and heal each individual wound. It will take a lifetime as there can be a lot of pain. Choosing not to be angry about the little things (and the things you can control) is paramount and a battle i have frequently, but knowing that difference, that's the key... That's not easy.
This ride, this life, is a beautiful, crazy, wacky thing... And I am glad to be here. 8)
Sincerely,
Intelligent Airhead
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Thankfulness 8/20/2015
1. I'm thankful for rest, for good thoughts and for peace... So much good and so much positive energy to tap into... I just have to do that!
2. So many future endeavors are on the brink of getting going... So much to look forward to in our lives. So much to be thankful for in every moment and I am thankful for that thought process...
3. We had meet the teacher night for K!!! That was really exciting. I hope it will be another wonderful year for all 3 boys! Can't believe summer is almost over!
4. Less seizures today, so less of seizing the day, so that's good!!!
5. more answers and so much is coming together. I'm very thankful for all of that.
2. So many future endeavors are on the brink of getting going... So much to look forward to in our lives. So much to be thankful for in every moment and I am thankful for that thought process...
3. We had meet the teacher night for K!!! That was really exciting. I hope it will be another wonderful year for all 3 boys! Can't believe summer is almost over!
4. Less seizures today, so less of seizing the day, so that's good!!!
5. more answers and so much is coming together. I'm very thankful for all of that.
Monday, August 17, 2015
Gratitude
I used to have a gratitude journal, back when Oprah made it popular... I think it's really important for me to take that up again... Will this always be here? No... Though I cherish you, dear reader(s) as the case may be 8), some are for only me and will be elsewhere.
Yesterday:
I am thankful:
1. we got to go to the Rangers game. I got to see my oldest child smile from ear to ear for 3 hours... he loved it!!! He was so into it!!! I see my dad in both my boys in different ways, but sports and his daughters was the main thing that made my dad laugh or cry... And my oldest's is classical music, an orchestral instrument, and certain sports. 8) The younger boys enjoyed it too, though baseball has its' slow parts.
2. things did not go as planned. We were too late to walk on the field prior to the game, so we ran around the bases afterwards... Having been a Texas Rangers fan all my life (my dad and I shared watching the games on tv, as we actually seldom went together...), I was moved to tears by walking over home plate... As silly as that is, it was beautiful. And to think we wouldn't have done that if we weren't trying to keep a promise to our youngest (the older boys weren't too worried about it, but they loved it too...) as a planner, and a "distressed one when it doesn't all go as perceived", this is a beautiful lesson to remember.
3. Though it can be a bit stressful, as the boys can be brother-like, there is beauty in their interactions in learning how to be adults... I was reading the other day about how we aren't raising children. We are raising adults... and we are teaching our kids how to act like adults... It helps me to parent differently and there is a blessing in that change of perspective.
4. the family I married into 8). Having had a disfunctional family in my childhood and in part of my adult life, i have idealized the functional family... I actually think this is pretty common from what i've read... There is no such thing as perfection... I am good enough to be in this family, even though I feel imperfect and not good enough sometimes...
5. teamwork, ah the examples on a ball field, in a family, in one's body as living is just an example of how every bodily system works together... It's a beautiful things to contemplate!
That's it for today!!!! More tomorrow, or next week, or next month or next year as it usually goes!!
Yesterday:
I am thankful:
1. we got to go to the Rangers game. I got to see my oldest child smile from ear to ear for 3 hours... he loved it!!! He was so into it!!! I see my dad in both my boys in different ways, but sports and his daughters was the main thing that made my dad laugh or cry... And my oldest's is classical music, an orchestral instrument, and certain sports. 8) The younger boys enjoyed it too, though baseball has its' slow parts.
2. things did not go as planned. We were too late to walk on the field prior to the game, so we ran around the bases afterwards... Having been a Texas Rangers fan all my life (my dad and I shared watching the games on tv, as we actually seldom went together...), I was moved to tears by walking over home plate... As silly as that is, it was beautiful. And to think we wouldn't have done that if we weren't trying to keep a promise to our youngest (the older boys weren't too worried about it, but they loved it too...) as a planner, and a "distressed one when it doesn't all go as perceived", this is a beautiful lesson to remember.
3. Though it can be a bit stressful, as the boys can be brother-like, there is beauty in their interactions in learning how to be adults... I was reading the other day about how we aren't raising children. We are raising adults... and we are teaching our kids how to act like adults... It helps me to parent differently and there is a blessing in that change of perspective.
4. the family I married into 8). Having had a disfunctional family in my childhood and in part of my adult life, i have idealized the functional family... I actually think this is pretty common from what i've read... There is no such thing as perfection... I am good enough to be in this family, even though I feel imperfect and not good enough sometimes...
5. teamwork, ah the examples on a ball field, in a family, in one's body as living is just an example of how every bodily system works together... It's a beautiful things to contemplate!
That's it for today!!!! More tomorrow, or next week, or next month or next year as it usually goes!!
Sunday, June 21, 2015
Wow, time flies!!!
It's so amazing to me, how quickly time flies. It's so amazing, how we blink and we can miss so much. I am forever thankful for my wonderful family. Sometimes life seems so tough... Then there's that wake up call... That moment you realize how much more pain others are in. You see others' paths and how tough it is. And there's that aha moment where I realize I can do so much through Christ, through Spirit... It might be a slow path, it might be crazy path, but this crazy life is the most amazing ride ever. It's fun, crazy, sad, messy, but ultimately, I wouldn't have it any other way. Well less of the sad, messy, but you know that's part of it as well...
Those valleys, those scary, treacherous valleys help our hearts prepare for the mountains. Bad things happen to everyone, but it's how we handle it, it's how we allow others to help us handle it.
If you are having a hard time, please let me say, I am with you... You are loved and it will be ok... Maybe not terrific, but you will get through.
((((HUG))))
Love is beautiful. It heals us and keeps our souls together in the fury of each storm. It's so difficult to see this when you don't feel loved. Start with a small spark. Love that person in the mirror, and it suddenly gets a bit easier. It takes time and belief in yourself, in love, in beauty, but that journey is worth it too.
Those valleys, those scary, treacherous valleys help our hearts prepare for the mountains. Bad things happen to everyone, but it's how we handle it, it's how we allow others to help us handle it.
If you are having a hard time, please let me say, I am with you... You are loved and it will be ok... Maybe not terrific, but you will get through.
((((HUG))))
Love is beautiful. It heals us and keeps our souls together in the fury of each storm. It's so difficult to see this when you don't feel loved. Start with a small spark. Love that person in the mirror, and it suddenly gets a bit easier. It takes time and belief in yourself, in love, in beauty, but that journey is worth it too.
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Time
Time is an amazing healer, though its' speed can be faster than I ever thought possible. It seemed pretty darn slow at the time, though 8)
I just read different posts of this blog, going back to the beginning. Dear reader, if you have been with me from earlier on, you probably saw a young woman in a great deal of emotional pain. I hope you saw hope and her desire to continue forward. I love this about the girl who writes these words. Changing and becoming better and evolving into a better person is an ever-present desire for me. The pain I still work through can be overwhelming, but it's so much easier. Some days are completely harder than others... The secret I now realize, everyone has bad days... I am so hard on myself sometimes...
It's ok that I am a bit late to grow, I'm just thankful I am growing.
I have forgotten how freeing and wonderful blogging can be... It's a good way to get some thoughts out, and for that I am glad 8)
I have also forgotten how important music is to me! As I listen to 'Homeward Bound' by Simon and Garfunkel, my heart is transported somewhere else. There is beauty in that. 8)
It's so beautiful when I see Spirit helping me stitch my life together, my heart, my thoughts.
Sometimes, when my medical issues prevent simple mobility, I think of God carrying me and holding me and helping me through each moment. Something that something simple is so healing to me. It gives me hope and makes me feel loved. And I know I am very loved 8)
I just read different posts of this blog, going back to the beginning. Dear reader, if you have been with me from earlier on, you probably saw a young woman in a great deal of emotional pain. I hope you saw hope and her desire to continue forward. I love this about the girl who writes these words. Changing and becoming better and evolving into a better person is an ever-present desire for me. The pain I still work through can be overwhelming, but it's so much easier. Some days are completely harder than others... The secret I now realize, everyone has bad days... I am so hard on myself sometimes...
It's ok that I am a bit late to grow, I'm just thankful I am growing.
I have forgotten how freeing and wonderful blogging can be... It's a good way to get some thoughts out, and for that I am glad 8)
I have also forgotten how important music is to me! As I listen to 'Homeward Bound' by Simon and Garfunkel, my heart is transported somewhere else. There is beauty in that. 8)
It's so beautiful when I see Spirit helping me stitch my life together, my heart, my thoughts.
Sometimes, when my medical issues prevent simple mobility, I think of God carrying me and holding me and helping me through each moment. Something that something simple is so healing to me. It gives me hope and makes me feel loved. And I know I am very loved 8)
An amazing song about autism
My 2 oldest sons have autism. They were diagnosed at 2 and I felt so guilty. Some family members even asked me what I did wrong, but most extended family members just avoided me. I was not at a very good place, coping wise, so it was not an easy time. It's easy to blame myself sometimes. I feel like I could have done so much more.
The other day, I was reading about Allison Moorer's son and the song she wrote about Autism called, "Mama let the wolf in". This song really spoke to me, it gives words to the tangled emotions I feel about autism sometimes. My boys are amazing and work so hard to be who they are. I am so blessed to have them 8)
Mama Let the Wolf In
Written by Allison Moorer and Jeffrey Steele. Produced by Kenny Greenberg. Released by Entertainment One U.S. in March, 2015.
Baby I’m sorry, I didn’t see him coming
He was just around the corner, now he’s got us running’
We could hide in a closet, But I know he’s gonna find us
Cause I’ll forget to lock it and shut out the beast behind us
He was just around the corner, now he’s got us running’
We could hide in a closet, But I know he’s gonna find us
Cause I’ll forget to lock it and shut out the beast behind us
Mama let the wolf in, mama let the wolf in, Mama let the wolf in
Oh no, oh no
Oh no, oh no
But little bit of bad luck, lord knows we didn’t want it
A little bitty short straw had our names written on it
He coulda gone next door to pillage and plunder
But he don’t ask permission, big bad mother fucker
A little bitty short straw had our names written on it
He coulda gone next door to pillage and plunder
But he don’t ask permission, big bad mother fucker
Mama let the wolf in, mama let the wolf in, Mama let the wolf in
Oh no, oh no
Oh no, oh no
Run baby run baby run bay run away
You’re the one he’s got and I’d do anything to take his place
I shot a silver bullet but now there’s nothing to do but pray
Pray pray pray pray pray
You’re the one he’s got and I’d do anything to take his place
I shot a silver bullet but now there’s nothing to do but pray
Pray pray pray pray pray
Cause, Mama let the wolf in, mama let the wolf in, Mama let the wolf in
Oh, Mama let the wolf in, mama let the wolf in, Mama let the wolf in
Oh no, oh no
Oh, Mama let the wolf in, mama let the wolf in, Mama let the wolf in
Oh no, oh no
Oh, baby I’m sorry,
Oh, baby I’m sorry,
Oh, baby I’m sorry,
Oh-no.
Oh, baby I’m sorry,
Oh, baby I’m sorry,
Oh-no.
Checking in, Anne Lamott, and a healthy reminder 8D
My husband and I are working more adamantly on our health and our health blog.
Please feel free to visit us over at
http://ahealthierwe.blogspot.com/
It's time to change. I have to be more serious about my health and Dave is feeling the same, so it's a bit easier to go on this journey together.
It's been quite some time since I have blogged regularly here... In a lot of ways, that makes me sad. I miss this. I miss typing all of my little thoughts... Most of my postings have made it into my private diary as of late... But this part of it is important too.
Healing and learning is always a part of my life. Sometimes, it may seem I am growing less than others, but it seems there's always something I am working on.
I have had some setbacks. With epilepsy, I am a different person now. I have to relearn some fairly simple coping techniques, but in a way, life is always a place to learn. We get better, and sometimes we learn and relearn, and every time, there is a purpose.
One writer who fills my heart with reality, hope, and laughter is Anne Lamott. She amazes me. She strengthens me with her honesty. I have read books now and then of hers for the last 13 years or so. Books find me here and there... And somehow I forget about meaningful books, but it's a cycle, I think. Books come to us when it's time... My way of picking out books is as follows. If I'm needing a self help book or encouragement, I pray, and the right book just seems to pop into my head or I am lead to it. A very beautiful thing... 8D.
Here is a beautiful article to just show you a bit of what she shares.
http://www.salon.com/2015/04/10/anne_lamott_shares_all_that_she_knows_everyone_is_screwed_up_broken_clingy_and_scared/
I am still working on feeling better, and unfortunately I am unable to work outside of the home at this time. I am very sad about this, but life does change and I am working on making the best of it. I am spending a lot of time with my children and I have missed that so much. I try to find the good in everything, it just takes me awhile sometimes 8)
Please feel free to visit us over at
http://ahealthierwe.blogspot.com/
It's time to change. I have to be more serious about my health and Dave is feeling the same, so it's a bit easier to go on this journey together.
It's been quite some time since I have blogged regularly here... In a lot of ways, that makes me sad. I miss this. I miss typing all of my little thoughts... Most of my postings have made it into my private diary as of late... But this part of it is important too.
Healing and learning is always a part of my life. Sometimes, it may seem I am growing less than others, but it seems there's always something I am working on.
I have had some setbacks. With epilepsy, I am a different person now. I have to relearn some fairly simple coping techniques, but in a way, life is always a place to learn. We get better, and sometimes we learn and relearn, and every time, there is a purpose.
One writer who fills my heart with reality, hope, and laughter is Anne Lamott. She amazes me. She strengthens me with her honesty. I have read books now and then of hers for the last 13 years or so. Books find me here and there... And somehow I forget about meaningful books, but it's a cycle, I think. Books come to us when it's time... My way of picking out books is as follows. If I'm needing a self help book or encouragement, I pray, and the right book just seems to pop into my head or I am lead to it. A very beautiful thing... 8D.
Here is a beautiful article to just show you a bit of what she shares.
http://www.salon.com/2015/04/10/anne_lamott_shares_all_that_she_knows_everyone_is_screwed_up_broken_clingy_and_scared/
I am still working on feeling better, and unfortunately I am unable to work outside of the home at this time. I am very sad about this, but life does change and I am working on making the best of it. I am spending a lot of time with my children and I have missed that so much. I try to find the good in everything, it just takes me awhile sometimes 8)
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Thinking out Loud by Ed Sheeran
A friend posted the lyrics of this song on facebook and I cried... I love this song. the first two lines mean the world to me... Not really familiar with many Ed Sheeran songs (i know who he is, but couldn't tell you the songs he sings...) This song means so much. We are human. My left leg is very picky. It likes to work when it feels like it 8D. Just a lot of weakness on my left side and that makes walking a tough endeavor at times... It's hard, hard to be more dependant, to change so much in routine and to work that much harder to stay positive. There is so much beauty in being open as we walk our journeys... And allowing those to carry us when we need it 8) Life is good 8D
"Thinking Out Loud"
When your legs don't work like they used to before
And I can't sweep you off of your feet
Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love?
Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?
And, darling, I will be loving you 'til we're 70
And, baby, my heart could still fall as hard at 23
And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe just the touch of a hand
Well, me—I fall in love with you every single day
And I just wanna tell you I am
So honey now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
I'm thinking out loud
That maybe we found love right where we are
When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades
And the crowds don't remember my name
When my hands don't play the strings the same way
I know you will still love me the same
'Cause honey your soul could never grow old, it's evergreen
And, baby, your smile's forever in my mind and memory
I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe it's all part of a plan
Well, I'll just keep on making the same mistakes
Hoping that you'll understand
But, baby, now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
Thinking out loud
That maybe we found love right where we are
So, baby, now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Oh, darling, place your head on my beating heart
I'm thinking out loud
That maybe we found love right where we are
Oh, baby, we found love right where we are
And we found love right where we are
And I can't sweep you off of your feet
Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love?
Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?
And, darling, I will be loving you 'til we're 70
And, baby, my heart could still fall as hard at 23
And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe just the touch of a hand
Well, me—I fall in love with you every single day
And I just wanna tell you I am
So honey now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
I'm thinking out loud
That maybe we found love right where we are
When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades
And the crowds don't remember my name
When my hands don't play the strings the same way
I know you will still love me the same
'Cause honey your soul could never grow old, it's evergreen
And, baby, your smile's forever in my mind and memory
I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe it's all part of a plan
Well, I'll just keep on making the same mistakes
Hoping that you'll understand
But, baby, now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
Thinking out loud
That maybe we found love right where we are
So, baby, now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Oh, darling, place your head on my beating heart
I'm thinking out loud
That maybe we found love right where we are
Oh, baby, we found love right where we are
And we found love right where we are
Yaaaawn
I am sleepy... Unfortunately, I have an upper respiratory thing again (again, ugh), so therefore I'm awake... Coughing quite a bit, but at least I'm getting exercise 8D. Throwing a lot of remidies at it, and hopefully I will feel better soon... Hopefully, it doesn't take over everyone in the household.
Besides being sleep deprived, I know there is so much to be thankful for. As so much pain and evil bombards us, I feel there is so much good, so much love, so much kindness. There is peace in that 8D.
I have so many craft projects still on my radar. Oh my goodness, so many... It's rather sad, I am much slower at crocheting and knitting. my left hand is so weak sometimes, so it lacks strength to do crafts for very long... I enjoy what I can do, as long as I don't worry about my long list...
To all who are reading this, I'm sending love and light your way. I hope all is well. I hope all will be well. Be well.
Besides being sleep deprived, I know there is so much to be thankful for. As so much pain and evil bombards us, I feel there is so much good, so much love, so much kindness. There is peace in that 8D.
I have so many craft projects still on my radar. Oh my goodness, so many... It's rather sad, I am much slower at crocheting and knitting. my left hand is so weak sometimes, so it lacks strength to do crafts for very long... I enjoy what I can do, as long as I don't worry about my long list...
To all who are reading this, I'm sending love and light your way. I hope all is well. I hope all will be well. Be well.
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Pity party averted -- survival guide
I was about to get out the streamers and the confetti and even the big pity party sign (i only pull that one out on special occasions 8)), but I prayed.. Prayed on what to do, what to work on, where to go. I often do this. I try to (not enough) ask what I should work on next. God (in Spirit, or the Spirit, or positive helpers, sometimes all) will nudge me... or just life will. It can be something that exercises what i need to work on or something happens that shows me (sometimes in a tough way) that I have something I need to do, whether it be to forgive, to let certain thoughts go, to be open-minded, to just be, to work on something specific... It happens gently and usually it happens quickly... If i ask, "What do I need to do to help my growth?" I hear about a book or Anne Lamott (or Elizabeth Gilbert or Brave Girls Club or Trent Reznor 8), etc) write something so prolific, I know I must act. I know I must think on that morsel. It can be something I have read so many times, but it's for that one moment, it transforms my path into something completely different. These down times can feel so lonely and terrible, but in those times, we find peace and we grow. The world looks different, my burden seems lighter, and I see ways to make it even lighter than it is now. I am working on that... I can find ways to make my life (even somewhat) better. I got down because I am not able to do as much as I feel I need to do or want to do. We are learning to prioritize but it takes time and practice 8).
So here is a survival guide: If you are down, some options are to:
1. Pray, think, meditate, just be, yoga, just rest for a moment to be, etc.
2. find 5 things you are thankful for.
3. in every moment, even if it's hard, find the bright side out of it.
4. We all need to cry, talk things out, etc. It's good to do these things, It just can be hard to get out after days and weeks, etc. I try to set myself a time. 1 minute of being angry, then I have to get myself back to calm. I can do so again, it just helps to know you can get back... So many times, calm feels better and I can understand the situation more. Journals are tremendous. Live journal is great in that you can make posts just to yourself. I treat that like a personal journal sometimes as it has an app as well.
5. do something you love, read, paint, write, whatnot.
6. hug a child, hug a family member.
7. list 5 reasons you love the person you're looking at, even if you're looking in the mirror.
i know i will think of more...
Be well. Peace, love and light... until next time
So here is a survival guide: If you are down, some options are to:
1. Pray, think, meditate, just be, yoga, just rest for a moment to be, etc.
2. find 5 things you are thankful for.
3. in every moment, even if it's hard, find the bright side out of it.
4. We all need to cry, talk things out, etc. It's good to do these things, It just can be hard to get out after days and weeks, etc. I try to set myself a time. 1 minute of being angry, then I have to get myself back to calm. I can do so again, it just helps to know you can get back... So many times, calm feels better and I can understand the situation more. Journals are tremendous. Live journal is great in that you can make posts just to yourself. I treat that like a personal journal sometimes as it has an app as well.
5. do something you love, read, paint, write, whatnot.
6. hug a child, hug a family member.
7. list 5 reasons you love the person you're looking at, even if you're looking in the mirror.
i know i will think of more...
Be well. Peace, love and light... until next time
Shaken but somewhat stirred
I'm noticing something I'm really working on. I don't mean to babble and overwhelm. I'm really working on figuring where I am and how i can help every relationship in my life. I am different, and I don't know how to make myself the same as before. I am finally getting ok with not being the same. I am beautiful none the less.
My brain works slower and I feel i make way too many mistakes socially, but I think this was always me. I'm working so hard to exercise that I am me and I do my best. Accept me or dont. I got better at that and I will get better again.
I am so sorry I am not always considerate. I am so sorry I don't remember things and I can be cranky. I feel so blank, so strange. Some days can really be rough. Some days are better. What I know is there are ways to make me better. What I know is there are ways to heal my heart and soul and thus my body. Meditation helps, but it is overwhelming at times. I feel like I'm trying to hold back the Mississippi river with a toothpick. My anger seems never ending and I think so much of it is I'm afraid. I'm afraid that person over there is going to laugh at me. I'm afraid this disease will get worse and sometimes I get afraid this disease could take my life (im at a high risk for SUDEP - sudden death in epilepsy.) Im working on not being afraid, but being at peace and in a healing place. I get too cranky sometimes and I'm working so hard to be better.
Healing is from the inside out and sometimes i have to be so strong because I'm so weak.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Here I am!
Well, I have been spotty at best in blogging. I have been keeping a private diary, it's just better that way for much of what I am dealing with, so I sometimes don't do much with this particular blog...
I am still seizing, but we're at the 50 seizure per day mark. I realized today it might be a lot more than that... I don't always know, so i don't remember to count them... I'm so happy we have gotten so far, but I'm trying to find ways to help me more.
My family is doing wonderful. I am so proud of them. They are wonderful. Time flies by.
I am still seizing, but we're at the 50 seizure per day mark. I realized today it might be a lot more than that... I don't always know, so i don't remember to count them... I'm so happy we have gotten so far, but I'm trying to find ways to help me more.
My family is doing wonderful. I am so proud of them. They are wonderful. Time flies by.
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