New endeavor

I have mentioned the hope that we would start this and it's here. My boyfriend and I have started a blog on how we are becoming healthier and increasing our good habits. We would like you to join us on our journey to becoming a healthier we, which is the name of our blog. The link is below. Thanks!

http://ahealthierwe.blogspot.com/

The storms come and go, but Your love remains the same.
The peace within fills my heart and my home, knowing You are there.
You hold my hand as we walk through the trials and tribulations of life.
My heart beats with anxiety as we walk through the rubble of the past storms.

Your imminent Light illuminates my life.
I am a better woman because of you.
Everyday, I walk on this path.
I follow your lead.

You will forever be  my Lord and my God.
I am in awe of your Presence.
Fill my heart, Lord and give me strength.
The Strength to lead by Your example,
To help others as they need someone,
To know you are blessing me in so many ways,
even when you feel far away.

one step forward

"and two steps back, you never get too far like that..." Thank you, Desert Rose Band, for singing a song about my life. Hehe, really it's all of us. Sometimes, we do a bit of a dance, in bettering ourselves and in healing. I try so hard to keep it together, but I really find that when I try to make everything work, and I'm not honest about my concerns, everything blows up in my face. God is good and I have forgiving people in my life, but I guess I'm more frustrated at me than anyone else is.

I have to forgive me too. I have to love me, because it's hard when someone is dissing on us all of the time, even if it's us 8).

More thoughts to follow, but God is good, blessings are amazing, and His peace fills the cracks of this imperfect soul.

Facing life headon...

Well, I'm facing life headon, don't know how well at the moment. I see the light on the other side of the tunnel and it's not a train, so that's a great thing... I stole a saying from a NPR pledge drive... 8D. Dave is helping me a great deal with this situation, and I am inherently grateful for that. 8)

Sometimes I want more from people than they have or they can give. This is true for people in my past, some family members and people all over my life. I am working on this in having more realistic expectations. It is difficult sometimes. Sometimes, all I want is someone to tell me they could have done better. I could have done better in many situations, so there's that as well.

This is a lot to think about and meditate on 8D

Butterfly!

The Butterfly and her persona have obsessed me and maybe even epitomized me for numerous years now. When I decided to change and continue to grow on this journey of life (Thank you, my dear friend Mary for helping me decide to do so) about 15 years ago, I had no idea where the journey would take me. I just knew I couldn't be exactly like my mom. I think my mom felt the same in ways and I see the changes she made in herself.

I want to be honest and say here that while I wasn't aware exactly who I was, so I couldn't in good faith pick an ideal mate to match my ideals, since I was floundering, I have also changed in a great deal of ways. Some of the people in my past are nice people and I am thankful for their time in my life, because I certainly learned about myself, life, and relationships, I see that I was so flawed as well. I had a cracked foundation even last year before more of my metamorphosis.

I was so passive aggressive and so angry in a sense, I didn't put my best foot forward. I tried. Oh boy did I try, but I didn't have good coping skills, so I often fell short. I am in the process of forgiving myself for all of the people I hurt, and I don't just mean within significant other relationships. I have hurt many friends as well. I am bettering myself, and many friends have forgiven me, so I am thankful for that.

I see now as well that choosing someone who is open to who I am and who I am open to sharing my idiosyncrasies with is so pivotal.

the truth is I wanted to change and be better for me and my family before, but last year, when I didn't like who I saw in the mirror, it was such a different view of me. I want to be truly proud of the girl that stares back at me. I am now. I really am 8D

Proud

I am one thankful woman right now.

I am thankful for my children, my family, and all that I have.

I am so thankful for D. His love and understanding mean so much to me.

I think something is interesting. I have wanted a boyfriend that has a family that would accept me. It wasn't the forefront of what I wanted, but it was a definite plus. And D's family accepts me fully and it's such a nice feeling. That hole within my heart is now filled and I am so thankful for that. They accept the boys fully as well and it's really good for them too. I am so thankful for his fam.

I am thankful for my 3.46 GPA, though I want to raise it, lol... I know, I might be a tad bit of a perfectionist.

I am thankful for the butterfly... The constant symbol that reverberates in my life... Change is constant, thus the butterfly reminds us it can be a beautiful process.

I am thankful for my mission, to become a nurse, and hopefully do something with diabetes in some way.

I am thankful to be preparing to prepare for the JDRF walk. Yeah, i need to train for that 8D.

I am thankful for meditation and the blessings it brings.

I am thankful for the Blogosphere. These words are mere syllables within my brain until they are on the screen and hopefully helping others 8D

Ultimately, God's love is forever in my heart and my wavering and painful refusal of His love caused much pain in my life. I am forever His child and I am in very capable, loving Hands.

A relationship (its' development, process, and growth)

begins and is strengthened when life happens. I think about that sometimes. I used to think that a relationship would just happen, but the real fun is the day to day in and  out of it is where it's at. Not the beginning where someone is attempting to woo you and then they leave... It's not that at all 8D. When I think it can't get any stronger, we resolve something and it's renewed. This is a beautiful, evolving, loving relationship and I am blessed to be a part of it.

I was thinking a bit about my first marriage. I don't regret it, as I don't regret my children, and it helped me learn more about human interaction. But I am thankful to my ex. I know, huh? I'm thankful he left. The life I am living and the opportunities in front of me are vastly different and better for myself and my children. I am so thankful for the opportunities before me. I feel so thankful and so blessed and so at peace with life and its' ups and downs. That's quite a change as well and it's seeping into my life more and more. I can't stop the spread of peace in my life and I don't want to do so 8D. The peace is intoxicating, filling the tiny cracks and crevices of my very soul.