Butterfly!

The Butterfly and her persona have obsessed me and maybe even epitomized me for numerous years now. When I decided to change and continue to grow on this journey of life (Thank you, my dear friend Mary for helping me decide to do so) about 15 years ago, I had no idea where the journey would take me. I just knew I couldn't be exactly like my mom. I think my mom felt the same in ways and I see the changes she made in herself.

I want to be honest and say here that while I wasn't aware exactly who I was, so I couldn't in good faith pick an ideal mate to match my ideals, since I was floundering, I have also changed in a great deal of ways. Some of the people in my past are nice people and I am thankful for their time in my life, because I certainly learned about myself, life, and relationships, I see that I was so flawed as well. I had a cracked foundation even last year before more of my metamorphosis.

I was so passive aggressive and so angry in a sense, I didn't put my best foot forward. I tried. Oh boy did I try, but I didn't have good coping skills, so I often fell short. I am in the process of forgiving myself for all of the people I hurt, and I don't just mean within significant other relationships. I have hurt many friends as well. I am bettering myself, and many friends have forgiven me, so I am thankful for that.

I see now as well that choosing someone who is open to who I am and who I am open to sharing my idiosyncrasies with is so pivotal.

the truth is I wanted to change and be better for me and my family before, but last year, when I didn't like who I saw in the mirror, it was such a different view of me. I want to be truly proud of the girl that stares back at me. I am now. I really am 8D