Being alone and seeing the true foundation of a relationship

I used to dread being alone. When I was first divorced, it was truly tough. I think that was one reason I get married the second time... Over the years, I have come to tolerate being alone. At times, it's nice, but most of the time, it's just okay. When I was hurting or down and I couldn't be sure of my reactions, I would prefer to be alone. This has so much to do with my fractured foundation I have had. Now, I'm doing better in addressing my fears, and letting them go. Will I mess up? Sure, but i can start over at where I'm at, every time. There's such a beauty in that.

Being alone is wonderful now!! I miss my children, but I can enjoy my time alone as well. I laugh alone and I can rest in my different activities, rather than keeping myself busy. It's so nice 8) I can be me, and it feels amazing....

I'm reading my book on fear not controlling my life, and something beautiful was said. Pursue a relationship if you don't expect it to make you happy. Oh my goodness, this is it!!! My happiness should be within myself, and a strong relationship should be the icing on the cake. Wow!!! This is so true!!! I am working on me since I should always be with myself. I feel I can be now. It feels great!!!

This is why I have struggled with codependency and such as well. It's better than it used to be, but I have a major flaw (another lol) in how I look at relationships. I considered a man as my salvation. I thought that God would truly consider me one of his children only when I had that special relationship. It's crazy, I completely know... I'm realizing that I never thought I was enough before, so this also had to do with the unrealistic expectations on myself.  Some other reasons on why I wanted a long-term relationship are also indicative of my commitment fears. I have unrealistic expectations. I see now that a true relationship is finding someone that can be themselves, and you be you, and you just say go. You work your best to work towards long-term commitment... But promising forever all the time is somewhat futile... After all, everyone will leave, whether by their own accord or by death. It's just the way of it. And that's ok... I'm ok with that now... Whew 8) I'm coming along 8)