I'm walking one step at a time in not being pushy. I'm attempting to tread carefully... I see the future sometimes, and I try to stuff it to make it fit. I'm working on all of this.
One of the great myths of our culture is that if a relationship is right, it will be easy to make and sustain a commitment to it...No matter how perfectly suited any two people are to each other, it's not easy. Instead of trying to find the perfect relationship, work at making your relationship the best it can be.
I was reading in my commitmentphobe book, and I started crying... Every active commitment phobe trait has been a ploy that a man has used in a relationship... I have let this happen. And I can work towards a healthy relationship. While that is exciting, my heart wants the last relationship so very badly... And I have to resign myself to the fact that it will not happen. I know that so much would have to change. In reading the book, I see some major mistakes we both made in the foundation of the relationship... It's possible... but I have to hold my head high and know that someday, I will have love, and it will be what God wants for me.
I am working so hard to keep God as my focus. I am working so hard to sustain a strong relationship with Him and my children. I am so weary and so tired... I have only gone through three weeks of school. This part should be a cake walk and it's not... I know that we can do this. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. -- Philippians 4:13.
I know that when I'm ready, a man will come along and it will work.. I know that discouragement comes... It will pass.
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