I don't know where to start... The beautiful thing is I've been able to be peaceful through turmoil on a more day-to-day and moment-to-moment basis. I feel God's love on me constantly. I am praying a great deal to stay in this place, but it's so very worth it...
I'm very sad, and I have so much school work to do, so I'm blogging before I study, because my brain is just gooey right now...
In loving myself and being more at peace with myself, something happened that i didn't expect. I had been talking to my exboyfriend for a few weeks, and we both have expressed that we still cared, but with the pain lessening in my heart in general, love for him filled it like I have never experienced love before. This might be a glimpse. This might be to show me how healthy love is really supposed to feel. I'm not sure... Of course, it didn't go well... as you can imagine... so once again, I'm working on letting him go. Dear reader, I love him more than I've ever loved a romantic interest before. I can't be in an unrequited situation again. My heart is breaking all over again. I feel so foolish and so hurt... I know if he truly loved me and felt i was a viable match and we could work together, we would be together.. or he would let me know what the issue might be... I just need to pick up the pieces of my heart and deal with the situation as it is.
so I'm going to appeal to my first love, God... I am praying and thinking, and singing and praising... I might end up at church tonight... That would be wonderful 8)... Turn this around... I do need to study, but I have a feeling if i stay home, less studying will get done than if I go to church at least for praise and worship, which will give me soooo much peace again. I love this church near me... The lessons are also amazing... So we shall see 8D.
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