whew

Week 2 and school is already getting hard to juggle. The boys are not working well with me in this... It's new for them and it will get better... For now, though, we're still adjusting. It made me feel really lonely though... yes for a relationship... I was doing so well today and then I lost it... got pretty upset but now I'm using my techniques again... This is it, the fact is we're all imperfect and we all fall short... I have to pick myself up from where I am and work from here. we can do this... me, God, and white wine... 8D the boys are used to me doing a whole lot for them, and being there for them, so the fact that I need quiet time is kind of tough to understand... I'm glad they're this age and not younger... This will be an adjustment, but i have to do it... It just makes me miss the exboyfriend, cuz I know he would be encouraging... I just have to find encouragement within and elsewhere, and i will 8D

The boys are doing ok. We're all adjusting in ways, but God is good, and we'll get through...

I had to totally cut myself off from my exboyfriend this week. I wish him so well... The fact is I wanted so much more than he can give right now... This is the truth, we are not meant to be in the places we are now... I wanted to be so much to him and i keep asking and he has to keep rejecting, which is hard for him too, I'm sure... The fact is, I keep trying to tell myself he doesn't love me enough... and in a way, that may be true... But the true portion is God should be in control and i have been trying to control many situations waay too much, including this one. God is in control, and I should let him be, but I'm still working on that one... This is very tough for me, but I know I will get better. It'll just take time 8) God has a beautiful plan for both of us, and we may not be the romantic interests in the other's plan... I'm not totally saying no but I have to act like it's not a possibility right now, because I was becoming too hopeful... I just believe way too much in him and me right now... and that is lessening, since I feel he doesnt love me enough to try again... So that helps in letting him go...

Earlier, I thought I was ready to date again, but I'm so damn busy with everything, I feel so torn and a bit scared right now... I will open up to dating, I just know it... I'm just really stressed... stressed backwards spells... desserts. nom...  I still am working on calming down and staying calm on a regular basis. It's getting better, but I had a bit of a backslide today...8( for the most part, i'm improving so much... backslides were gonna happen... unfortunately... But I am posting my dating profile again... It's time to do so... I must open up to the idea of a new love... And I feel it's time to do so...