thinking a bit about marriage and commitment

In thinking about marriage, what I want from a relationship and what I don't, I am looking for what fantasies I have in marriage and in relationships as well. I don't really feel I should list them or list them in their entirety at this time, but suffice it to say, I am working out what is and isn't healthy and what I want in me...

I could say that living with a man, the man I choose and who chooses me, would be enough... And for all the things that i want in a relationship, living together would do. There is that romantic part of me, that does wish for marriage... I used to, until very recently, wish for marriage shortly after living with someone... Now, the good thing in this, is i haven't lived with anyone for a pretty long time... My book I'm reading talks about this, how we have preconceived notions in regards to the steps a relationship takes. I definitely do this... and the aforementioned is a perfect example.

I will write a blog with what I'm looking for to keep me grounded and to work through each individual want to conclude if it's healthy or not... I'm too tired now at this present time though... I will fight the urge to curl up and read more Pride and prejudice...

I realized why I love this story and why I seem to have become especially obsessed with it this time (i usually watch it following every break up... but this time I can't get enough, so i'm reading it too 8)). I empathize with Elizabeth... She's not the most conventional woman of her time... She refused two proposals, in a time where most would see her foolish to refuse one, since she had so much riding on her at times... She chose to marry for love... In her instance, her heart changed... and her perspective of a certain Mr. Darcy changed... I have been told I'm foolish for holding out for love...Alas, I must do what I can live with. I must choose my mate in regards to love. This is what I must do to be true to myself, not to prove anything to anyone, not to live up to some expectation that they may have for me... But to be me... And that's it 8) It's a good feeling to have that image etched into my mind... A good feeling and strengthening and peaceful, and so many other adjectives that I am to tired to think of. I also love the way Jane Austen adds humor to her stories, so understated, yet defined...

I am told enough that to marry for love is foolish, and I find it odd in this age... Love is the usual reason for monogamous relationships, I thought... Will I get married? not sure... Will I love again? I know I will. I sense it...