stubbornness

I can be so stubborn and so controlling in trying to make things fit the way I want them to... I'm seeing how completely crazy this has made my life in my past... I will get better about it. Knowing is half the battle 8D

On the score of stubbornness, I miss him... I will get through it but it's rough... Just remembering all the different ideas from the book, how to let him go...

Also, in regards to dating, I have a feeling I'm gonna be dating awhile to find a viable match. But this will be a good experience 8). I still really thought i had found it.... And for a time, I did... But I'm glad we tried, beyond anything else... It gave me so much peace and stability for my present and future... I just wish he was in my future still, but I know the boys and me will be fine and we will have a different future than I can see 8)... I just must have faith in God 8D.

I feel a bit like a fool for begging him to come back the other day. /sigh. yes, i begged... But the good thing about that -- i feel resolved that I did *everything* I could to save something so beautiful... I tried... It also helped me to see that the initial fallout may not have been as much completely my fault as I previously thought... It takes two and I definitely could have done things better. This is a learning experience... All in all, I am glad I tried one more time before working so actively to let this go... Even with all the changes, a small part of me hoped he would see that I could change and that I am trying to be a better person. He did see that, it just wasn't enough. Things don't happen on my time table, and truth be known, if he's not ready, I'm so glad he said no... This is what I mean by me being pushy... Sigh... I will improve for myself and my kiddoes and to be the best me I can be...