still aching...

Some days, the heartache is more than it has been for the last several months... I know I will get over the exboyfriend from several months ago... In reading my book, I'm seeing why it's so tough...

Active runners promise so much, say I love you quickly, desire to integrate you into their life quickly, etc. I have learned to slow down in this... If someone isn't respectful of me being a bit slower into this, then they don't respect me and it's a moot point anyway. He begged to meet my sons, and like the idiot that i can be, I let them meet twice i really thought he was here for good. My oldest, who falls in love with no one but a very distinguished list, fell in love with him. The first weekend after the breakup, he and i hugged and cried together. He sobbed and said, "I thought he was the one." i broke my son's heart and I still haven't forgiven myself... What was harder, is my oldest son kept saying that he would come back. He's stopped with that and that's just as painful... He's given up on him. They only met twice and I am glad for that, but I will be muuuuch more careful in the future with that. I will refuse to even discuss a meeting until after 6 months or maybe a year after dating... I think that's safer.

active runners also have the tendency to cheat and end relationships that way. I'm so glad he didn't do so with me. that would ache more.


I'm so weary and so tired of being single. I know i can do anything that a man can do and the boys help me with a lot... We joke that the only thing we need a man for is opening up coconut oil bottles. Those are tough little boogers 8D. of course, i miss the adult companionship in more ways than one, but I would never tell them that...

active runners are all in from the very beginning. as soon as they see that they've won someone's heart, they generally subconsciously, start running for the door very quickly. I now see a lot of examples from my life and I know more what to avoid. i know how to be more active for my part and what thought processes to avoid, to avoid fantasy, etc.

And when there is a breakup, active runners make allll sorts of excuses to prevent the reconciliation or they reconcile and break up...  (on again/off again). yes, it's possible that the active runner will come back...

I am looking for love elsewhere. I have to open up my heart and know that he may never come back around romantically. i actively am working on my feelings to be where i need to be and i would expect anyone i'm with to do the same...