I got my ring 8)

I got a claddagh ring and I adore it 8). Very simple, but then I'm pretty simple, in a goofy, eccentric way. I'm also full of oxymorons. We are still working on the date, but next Mayish looks to be it. Rather small to most people's view. I'm so blessed 8) Our family is awesome.

It's official sort of 8D

Dave and I are engaged.

I don't have a ring yet.

There's no uber romantic story of said event, as we have been talking about it.

Having said that, I am so excited now that it's official 8D.

We are looking at  next year, possibly at a place that is dear to my heart, since my parents aren't here. We want them to feel like they are here in some aspect 8).

It's going to be small, and I think i know what kind of dress i want. Something relatively simple, but vintage... since that's me 8D.

love

Love is such an interesting entity.

Dave and I keep getting to points where we can't imagine being stronger, and then we surpass it.

I'm going through some medical issues. if you want to know more, our health blog I previously posted about will fill you in. He is so amazing. He is helping me every single step of the way. I am forever grateful...

I keep making mistakes in my typing. Pain killers and a lack of sleep will do it.... The pain has been severe, but all will be ok... I just want to find out what's wrong.... really badly, truthfully...

It bothers me that all er doctors do is mask the symptoms, but i digress...


I believe in love. I have found the man I want to marry, and I am so blessed. He means so much to me. I am forever grateful that he is in my life.

Thank you Red Lobster Cheddar biscuits. PS, I miss you

Hehe, I love Red Lobster's Cheddar biscuits. We went to red lobster the other day and I gorged myself on gluten. Dave and I have been sorting out a possible trigger. I have tried to go gluten free in the past and it did help me feel better, but now, we think that Celiac's disease is a distinct possibility... Gulp. After eating those evil wonderful morsels, I was soooo very sick. Dave mentioned Celiac's and we started researching. There is a definite link between Type 1 diabetes and Celiac's Disease. 5-10 percent of those with T1D have the latter. So, I am a week without any gluten, and I feel better. Darn. We will be testing for Celiac's when I go to my doctor next, as I have already contacted her about it.


So, I am glad to have enjoyed those beautiful morsels of evil one last time before I must be really really good.

On an awesome note, we tried the Mellow Mushroom the other day. I have been wanting to try it for a year, and it was so amazingly awesome.

Dave is trying his best to show me I'm not missing anything with the gluten free foods... and i am forever thankful for him for that. He is going to try to replicate a honey butter chicken biscuit for me.... Whataburger's evil...

Feeling down

This week has been emotionally difficult. I am really struggling with staying happy through the diabetes. It's been so rough. I have good people around  me, but I had to break down. I cried more this week than I have this year I think... It's a good thing, but wow, i'm tired 8/ God is good and we can do this together.

You're my Home

Song time!

BILLY JOEL LYRICS

 Send "You're My Home" Ringtone to your Cell 

"You're My Home"

When you look into my eyes
And you see the crazy gypsy in my soul
It always comes as a surprise
When I feel my withered roots begin to grow
Well I never had a place that I could call my very own
That's all right, my love, 'cause you're my home

When you touch my weary head
And you tell me everything will be all right
You say, "Use my body for your bed
And my love will keep you warm throughout the night"
Well I'll never be a stranger and I'll never be alone
Whenever we're together, that's my home

Home can be the Pennsylvania Turnpike
Indiana's early morning dew
High up in the hills of California
Home is just another word for you

Well I never had a place that I could call my very own
That's all right, my love, 'cause you're my home

If I travel all my life
And I never get to stop and settle down
Long as I have you by my side
There's a roof above and good walls all around
You're my castle, you're my cabin and my instant pleasure dome
I need you in my house 'cause you're my home.
You're my home.

By Billy Joel. 

Hanging in and feeling blessed

Well, I started school, just three hours this semester. I'm really glad as well, because the first week of school, I showed signs of diabetic ketoacidosis again. The good news is Dave is taking wonderful care of me. I'm on the upswing, I think, and we finally figured out the cause. The doctor helped with that, so we're well on our way... I'm tired of the diabetic grind. But it is something I need to accept and deal with. I'm still working on that. I think of Dave's and my first year as it almost comes to a close... He has proven his love for me in so many ways. He stayed when a commitmentaphobe was working on letting her roots grow as well as letting people in. I am so thankful I did, as well. He accepts me for who I am.

So tired

I have been so very tired as of late. Dave has been great about holding down the fort and letting me sleep on nights he is off. He even takes my blood sugar and gives me insulin, when I'm half asleep. I am very blessed to have him in my life. The boys are doing well. We're all trying to be more active, and that is helpful as well.

I have so many thoughts right now in how to be better and stronger for God and for myself and for my family.

I want to be calmer and more peaceful. Those are my goals for now 8).


I am taking the summer off from school and working more. I am studying math and science to do better for the Fall.

I am also working on a good deal of projects knitting and crocheting-wise 8)

What's my payoff?

I ask myself this sometimes... "What's my payoff?" There is always a payoff in what we do. Why do I do this or that? I ask myself what my payoff is... I don't do it all the time, but when I'm perplexed by my behavior, I do this.

I have been so resentful for so much of my life. The resentment is becoming lighter and lighter everyday. I am consistently working on all of my hurts and pains... There are a great deal of them to be honest. Many of them are from when I was younger. I have come so far in quite a short time. I don't talk a great deal about the specifics, because it's too much, unless you are pretty close to me. I'll mention something about my childhood and I'll generally get a response of shock both for what was endured and that I'm as normal as I am. I have come to the fact I was blessed. Many people near me, even, had it much worse. I am thankful for my life, with the good and bad.

This is helping find more love for my sons and for Dave within my heart.

It is also helping me love someone special more everyday. She's really cool! You know who it is? Yup, it's me 8). I love myself, but I still get frustrated with me sometimes. We all do, I know this... We are all starting something in our household. If we get upset at ourselves or are too hard on ourselves, we have to find a mirror (the camera portion of a smart phone is working great as well), and we have to apologize and accept the apology.

I also have had trouble for a long time with rejection of any sort... That and abandonment. I am working on this and that is helpful too. It's getting better daily. I love me and my self worth is not indicative of other's approval of me. I am so glad I am finding me even more everyday. I won't abandon myself again. I have done so for way too long.

God is so good and it's such a blessing to learn and be better and grow. 8D

Control, yet again

I really work on the balance between control and letting things go and then just not caring at all about certain aspects. I am really focusing on this, as it is passive aggressive behavior that I want to forever quash.

Things to focus on in overwhelming situations.

I love me.
I am an awesome mom.
I am a wonderful person.
I am beautiful.
God loves every single part of me, even the parts I can't stand.

This last one came from a devotional book I am delving into, "Loving yourself more."

The beauty about being peaceful is that for moments we will be in turmoil, but we can attempt to make it back to rest as quickly as possible. Sometimes, deep breathing works. Sometimes, imagery is better. Sometimes, praying helps me or singing praise songs to God. Whatever positive activity works, I'm for it 8D.

The Answers

Sometimes, I want all the answers. I want to know why. I want to understand why something works and why it doesn't. I want to know all of the mitigating factors of issues and the cause of pain. I am entirely too inquisitive for my own good. Sometimes, I delve into my past. I wonder and I hold each piece seeing how it fits and why it worked out a certain way. I try not to what if in my life, but I do tend to want answers, at this point. I am working on that as well. When I hurt and am scared, I am working on embracing it and learning from the situation. When the past comes up, I handle it and give it to God. This is helping me a great deal!

Update: 4/21/2015 -- It's not that easy. I wish it was. Sometimes, we snatch that pain back... It's important to keep giving the pain, the hurt, the anger, back to God, but it takes a lot of work. I tell you, it's worth it... I work on not getting as upset now, which averts so much. A lot of that comes from my love of meditation. I work on getting back to calmness... That's a struggle too, but it's absolutely beautiful 8)

Dirk Nowitzki's Hero Celebrity Baseball game

K, Tristan, and I went to the Dirk Nowitzki Hero Celebrity baseball game at Dr. Pepper Park in Frisco last Saturday. We had a blast, and I'm so glad we made it happen. Avery was busy getting ready for camp, so he didn't get to go. Dave had to work, so he also had to miss out. The outing went really well, besides a couple of somewhat small snafus... The game itself was great and I really enjoyed it. Tristan approves of the stadium, so we may try to get to a RoughRiders game soon... (he has specific parameters regarding crowds and such). We got some great pictures too, which is also awesome... The pictures of the celebs were awful, but the ones we took of us are awesome sauce! 8)


The big thing I learned is to have a good place to meet in case your family gets separated.

peace

Peace is not the lack of conflict, but the presence of a calm mind and spirit. I'm not sure if I just created that statement or not, but I have seen a similar sentiment throughout my reading. Most of all, this statement should and will depict the way I choose to live.

Life is always happening. the waves don't stop sometimes. Every once in awhile, it seems we are bobbing in treacherous waters barely given the time to breathe before the next conflict arrives.

I am amazing. My life is amazing and my family is amazing.

I am at peace with life and with the pain I see on the horizon.

My Heavenly Father is with us, shielding us, holding us and helping us through our trials, and that is a beautiful, peaceful feeling.

Breath

When I am finding my center and my happy place as it were, I breathe deeply. I fill my lungs, heart and soul with just the idea of the breath that keeps me alive, that sustains my very fiber. This is a portion of my meditation. I am really focusing on staying at rest and at peace as much as possible. It makes life so much easier for me to deal with. I love the feeling I get when I am just breathing deeply. I am so thankful for how meditation is shaping my life. Growth is imperative in this, but it is so worth it 8)

Control

"You never had control. That's the illusion!" - Jurassic Park

I can be a control freak. I don't mean to be controlling and I know, overall I am a good person...

But I want to fix my controlling aspect for many reasons, including attaining peace within. It's difficult to be as controlling as I can be without it affecting our psyches.

One might not see my controlling aspects from the outside, and it does come out just occasionally, but I want to be better about it. When I am trying to control situations in my life, I am not trusting in God's plan. Ouch... That's blunt, but very true.

It is ok to delegate and to give opinions in a healthy way. I could be better at it. It's that condition called humanity that gets me once again 8)

I am so proud of the steps I have taken. I am awesome and doing better daily 8)


"Why do I do the things I do? Was I born this way? Am I a self-made fool...It takes work to be the jerk I've come to be. It ain't easy being me." -- Chris Knight (covered by Blake Shelton)

This used to be my theme song. I see now why I have made mistakes and the beauty in it is I can be better and learn from my mistakes. God heals the cracks within my soul and I am grateful for that 8)

New endeavor

I have mentioned the hope that we would start this and it's here. My boyfriend and I have started a blog on how we are becoming healthier and increasing our good habits. We would like you to join us on our journey to becoming a healthier we, which is the name of our blog. The link is below. Thanks!

http://ahealthierwe.blogspot.com/

The storms come and go, but Your love remains the same.
The peace within fills my heart and my home, knowing You are there.
You hold my hand as we walk through the trials and tribulations of life.
My heart beats with anxiety as we walk through the rubble of the past storms.

Your imminent Light illuminates my life.
I am a better woman because of you.
Everyday, I walk on this path.
I follow your lead.

You will forever be  my Lord and my God.
I am in awe of your Presence.
Fill my heart, Lord and give me strength.
The Strength to lead by Your example,
To help others as they need someone,
To know you are blessing me in so many ways,
even when you feel far away.

one step forward

"and two steps back, you never get too far like that..." Thank you, Desert Rose Band, for singing a song about my life. Hehe, really it's all of us. Sometimes, we do a bit of a dance, in bettering ourselves and in healing. I try so hard to keep it together, but I really find that when I try to make everything work, and I'm not honest about my concerns, everything blows up in my face. God is good and I have forgiving people in my life, but I guess I'm more frustrated at me than anyone else is.

I have to forgive me too. I have to love me, because it's hard when someone is dissing on us all of the time, even if it's us 8).

More thoughts to follow, but God is good, blessings are amazing, and His peace fills the cracks of this imperfect soul.

Facing life headon...

Well, I'm facing life headon, don't know how well at the moment. I see the light on the other side of the tunnel and it's not a train, so that's a great thing... I stole a saying from a NPR pledge drive... 8D. Dave is helping me a great deal with this situation, and I am inherently grateful for that. 8)

Sometimes I want more from people than they have or they can give. This is true for people in my past, some family members and people all over my life. I am working on this in having more realistic expectations. It is difficult sometimes. Sometimes, all I want is someone to tell me they could have done better. I could have done better in many situations, so there's that as well.

This is a lot to think about and meditate on 8D

Butterfly!

The Butterfly and her persona have obsessed me and maybe even epitomized me for numerous years now. When I decided to change and continue to grow on this journey of life (Thank you, my dear friend Mary for helping me decide to do so) about 15 years ago, I had no idea where the journey would take me. I just knew I couldn't be exactly like my mom. I think my mom felt the same in ways and I see the changes she made in herself.

I want to be honest and say here that while I wasn't aware exactly who I was, so I couldn't in good faith pick an ideal mate to match my ideals, since I was floundering, I have also changed in a great deal of ways. Some of the people in my past are nice people and I am thankful for their time in my life, because I certainly learned about myself, life, and relationships, I see that I was so flawed as well. I had a cracked foundation even last year before more of my metamorphosis.

I was so passive aggressive and so angry in a sense, I didn't put my best foot forward. I tried. Oh boy did I try, but I didn't have good coping skills, so I often fell short. I am in the process of forgiving myself for all of the people I hurt, and I don't just mean within significant other relationships. I have hurt many friends as well. I am bettering myself, and many friends have forgiven me, so I am thankful for that.

I see now as well that choosing someone who is open to who I am and who I am open to sharing my idiosyncrasies with is so pivotal.

the truth is I wanted to change and be better for me and my family before, but last year, when I didn't like who I saw in the mirror, it was such a different view of me. I want to be truly proud of the girl that stares back at me. I am now. I really am 8D

Proud

I am one thankful woman right now.

I am thankful for my children, my family, and all that I have.

I am so thankful for D. His love and understanding mean so much to me.

I think something is interesting. I have wanted a boyfriend that has a family that would accept me. It wasn't the forefront of what I wanted, but it was a definite plus. And D's family accepts me fully and it's such a nice feeling. That hole within my heart is now filled and I am so thankful for that. They accept the boys fully as well and it's really good for them too. I am so thankful for his fam.

I am thankful for my 3.46 GPA, though I want to raise it, lol... I know, I might be a tad bit of a perfectionist.

I am thankful for the butterfly... The constant symbol that reverberates in my life... Change is constant, thus the butterfly reminds us it can be a beautiful process.

I am thankful for my mission, to become a nurse, and hopefully do something with diabetes in some way.

I am thankful to be preparing to prepare for the JDRF walk. Yeah, i need to train for that 8D.

I am thankful for meditation and the blessings it brings.

I am thankful for the Blogosphere. These words are mere syllables within my brain until they are on the screen and hopefully helping others 8D

Ultimately, God's love is forever in my heart and my wavering and painful refusal of His love caused much pain in my life. I am forever His child and I am in very capable, loving Hands.

A relationship (its' development, process, and growth)

begins and is strengthened when life happens. I think about that sometimes. I used to think that a relationship would just happen, but the real fun is the day to day in and  out of it is where it's at. Not the beginning where someone is attempting to woo you and then they leave... It's not that at all 8D. When I think it can't get any stronger, we resolve something and it's renewed. This is a beautiful, evolving, loving relationship and I am blessed to be a part of it.

I was thinking a bit about my first marriage. I don't regret it, as I don't regret my children, and it helped me learn more about human interaction. But I am thankful to my ex. I know, huh? I'm thankful he left. The life I am living and the opportunities in front of me are vastly different and better for myself and my children. I am so thankful for the opportunities before me. I feel so thankful and so blessed and so at peace with life and its' ups and downs. That's quite a change as well and it's seeping into my life more and more. I can't stop the spread of peace in my life and I don't want to do so 8D. The peace is intoxicating, filling the tiny cracks and crevices of my very soul.

Breathing and Existing

Meditation is a beautiful gift. It is also quite powerful. The amount of hurt and pain I am dealing with and growing from in my past is just amazing. Dealing with the un-named situation is much easier with breathing and peace that fills me up upon meditating.

God wants me to be alive.

I have been thinking about this.

I wasn't supposed to be born. The doctors were quite sure I wouldn't live through delivery, but I did.

So many little things happened throughout my childhood, whether pressed upon me or self-inflicted - I lived.

I have had diabetes for an undisclosed amount of time -- I lived.

I am growing and healing and therefore a better person and a better mom and girlfriend, etc.

I think about the blessings that God gives us and impresses upon each one of us. I am so blessed. We learn so much from Him, whether we realize it or not.

There is a certain degree of peace in that.

I exist because God allows me to.

I must decide whether I want to truly live. I have been living for several years now. I am so glad and I'm living more and enjoying more and more each day.

I am thankful for my family and my friends. I love my boys. The love that surrounds me is so peaceful and healing. I love my boyfriend so much and I never thought I would feel this way. I had given up hope of feeling this way. I love the fact I wake up to someone breathing next to me. That feeling is something intoxicating and healing within me. I thought the love I have found was elusive to me, and yet love is seeping through my once calloused heart.

Healing

My heart aches as I think of you. I know you ached and I think you still hurt. I feel you around me, showing me the best way to live. I see your infectious smile in my head when I close my eyes. As memories of my childhood flood my conscious mind, I see a source of your pain. I forgive you. I love you and I will always love you.

So many thoughts... update - May 13

I am so thankful for so much. I am so blessed to be at peace in my heart, but I am trying to keep it there. My heart goes out to the tornado victims. I am keeping them in my thoughts and prayers.

School is out and I'm trying to get caught up on some very very overdue gifts 8D. I will get there.

I may do summer school this year. That is still up in the air.

Some of my childhood is unfolding, and while I will publicly say little more than that, I feel a relief and some peace in getting through this.

Healthwise, i am definitely hanging in there. The past few days have been a bit better.

My boyfriend, his son, his grandpa and me went to Wildflower Festival yesterday. Robert Earl Keen was playing and it was so amazing. I hadn't been to that particular festival before, so it was so much fun to enjoy. We decided to go to that a few months ago, even before plans for Branson were made for April. That was a blast too. I had a great time ziplining and spending time with my boyfriend and his family. It was my first out-of-state vacation in numerous years. I really enjoy Texas country so much. REK was on my concert bucket list. Someday, I will actually make that list 8D.

change back?

As is often the case, when we try to make changes for the positive, we get the "change back push-back". For me, this has ended more than a few relationships... "sorry, i liked you the unhealthy way you used to be" wasn't precisely how it was put, but it was close. So, when I get any resistance, I feel goodbye coming on. I guess that's why sometimes I get defensive. I'm so scared people are going to leave me. Of course, if I'm that petrified of it, they will. We will be left one way or the other, by death, or by people leaving. It's a fact.

Passive aggressiveness and becoming vocal in a healthy way

I have been working on becoming less passive aggressive, and it is a struggle. I have been so passive aggressive all my life, so it's definitely a struggle. I can do this 8). I am working on saying what I feel in a healthy way, and it's really going well... so far 8D

8(

Sometimes, I don't fully understand the toll diabetes takes on me. The aches and pains are unbearable, the neuropathy is beyond annoying, and I see the gravity of the situation. In this, I must live everyday to the best of my ability. I must work on watching what I eat and doing my best. I get scared, though. Every time I hear of a diabetic who died, I take a breath, hold it for a moment, and shed a tear for them. Unfortunately, it happens too much. And then I feel selfish, I don't want it to be me. I know, that's beyond selfish, but I want to live a long life with my growing family. Diabetic neuropathy can ravage one's whole body, and sometimes, I get nervous about that too. The one thing I have to do daily is take deep breaths and believe and know that God is giving me peace and strength to do my best 8)

hmm

I'm a bit melancholy at this point. I'm making it and blessed and thankful. Just tired and not feeling great. This too shall pass 8D God is good and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I shall make it. heh.

The Semester end is upon us!!!!!

I am thrilled about this fact. I am absolutely exhausted, and for now it looks like I will be working more
again, at least for the summer. It will be a break from school, though, so that will give me a chance to feel better. 8) That's exciting 8)

God is wonderful and gives us so many blessings. I am so thankful.

Resting in His love and some decision about indecision

One of my favorite verses is Zephaniah 3:17 -- The Lord your God is in your midst,
    a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
    he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.

I'm regimented. This is the understatement of the century. I like to have everything in place. Life just isn't this way. I'm getting better about living in the moment, and showing my children how to do so as well. 

My boyfriend is wonderful at helping me with this. He's pretty laid back, so he keeps me in check and helps me and my boys, for that matter, enjoy life so much easier. I am very blessed he is in our lives. 

He helps me to rest in God's arms as well in a more peaceful manner. My little vision to calm me down when I'm upset is that God picks me up as a father would pick up his child, and He holds me and gives me peace. I sit on his lap and we talk, just like I would talk to a friend. This helps me so much. I've gone back to this, and I'm glad. 

The plan was to become a LVN, then rn with an associates. Now, I am seeing how little one can do with either of those. Most hospitals are requiring a Bachelors' degree at this point. So with the support of my awesome man, we are embarking upon getting me into a university and going for a Bachelors. I know this is the right thing to do and I have changed my mind a bit, but this is good. it's ok to be flexible. I can't really touch my toes though, but flexible in life, I suppose is what I mean. 8D

I have a new, but not new calling as well. After being in the hospital last week, and being told that I need to teach Advanced Diabetes classes for rns, i realize this is exactly what I would love to do. Also, it seems that much of the medical community doesn't really understand type 1 diabetes. 

God is so amazing and I am very thankful, my family has found a church home. We had been attending for about 4 months. We are very excited and everyone likes it. The people are awesome, as well. 

It's amazing how we become families. We meld and mesh until those around us become a support system we could never have anticipated. My heart has grown to include a child I already see as my own as well as my two. Effectively, I already feel I have 3 sons, regardless. I have stepped into a position that has long been vacant, and I must say, I know how blessed I am to have 3 amazing sons. 

short update

Well, I was in the hospital last week. Still not feeling great. Complications of diabetes kept me grounded for a bit... i'm so tired and feel so weak, but life is good and I am very blessed in my life.

More to come 8)

There's more of me

Dear Insulin,
I want to thank you so much for keeping me healthy, but enclosed is the 25 pounds that you have caused me to gain. That was an unexpected gift that you can have back. If I want to become a roly poly, I will be sure to let you know. Roly polies are so cute, however the show Roly Poly Olie is weird. I do not think I look good as a roly poly. Their life span is also fairly short... I am being desultory.

Sincerely,
The Intelligent Airhead

Blessings

Last Sunday, all 5 of us went to a church we are going to... We really like it, they are so welcoming and I definitely think we found a church home... I notice that many blog titles of mine have this same title... I just feel that there are so many blessings, I can hardly begin to count them. That helps on the rough days. It was the 8th anniversary of my mom's death. They sang a song called Blessings, that I had never heard before. I will share the lyrics here. It is so amazing...

                                                                        "Blessings"

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

blessings

I am so thankful for the people in my life. I am so thankful for the growth happening in my life, in my children and in my home 8).

i am so thankful for school, though I wish I could do better. I'll get there.

I'm feeling better, slowly but surely. It's taking awhile to heal me, which I suppose is understandable. This disease (diabetes) is horrible, and I completely hope they find a cure. I will definitely be doing JDRF walks and such. my numbers are lower, much lower, though they are still erratic.... I spend too much time in the 40-70 range... But we'll get me regulated. I'm a part of a great, great team.

As a type 1 diabetic (especially with no pump, because that's a clue, lol), I have purchased and am now wearing a diabetic alert necklace. I got the pendant off of ebay. It is amazingly awesome 8) It's a guitar pick that says diabetes on it... Kinda of a cool way of stating it 8D.

The boys are moving with their dad, so a lot of changes in their lives. They are changing school districts mid-Spring, which is a bummer. I really hope they adjust well, and I'm praying that all goes well.

update

So i'm taking care of my boyfriend's son during the week. He's 4 and he is a sweetheart. I  was thinking about how much of a helicopter parent I used to be. In addition to that, I was just uptight about *everything*. peace is good 8D.

My boyfriend and I are doing well. We're focusing on cleaning up our diets and that need is causing us to start a joint blog. I am really excited about that venture.

Work is going well, though I am doing less of it.

My boys are doing really well. They are so wonderful. I really feel so blessed.

We found a church as well that we try to go to as much as possible. So that's exciting as well.

my spare time craftiness...

3 golf club covers.

afghans for the boys

afghan for boyfriend

afghan for K.

afghan for friend at work

afghan for best friend's daughter

wardrobe for best friend's daughter

elephant for M.

afghan for M.

That's all 8D.

I'm #1, type 1 that is...

So the verdict has come back that I have type 1 diabetes after all of the misdiagnoses, etc. The truth is I don't know if I could have handled it until now. I have a wonderful man in my life and wonderful support and my sons are older... so this is good. i am adhering to the diet better than ever. It's boring but it's a good thing. I miss simple things, but fruit in unlimited quantities is my biggest roadblock. Dear reader, I intend to take you on my journey in my spare time... to a point.

Thanks for joining me!
Intelligent Airhead.

We can grow from where we are

One thing that I love about meditation and portions of Buddhism is the concept that we can grow from where we are. I have been having trouble mood-wise. I know one could argue that I have a lot going on and I react this way when I'm not feeling well... That's no excuse. I have a tendency to fall back to my regimented self when my life is in turmoil. The wonderful part about this is I can learn to be better. I have such understanding people around me that are patient and supportive. I just expect so much more of myself than the person I am being. The good thing is I can grow from here. That's a beautiful aspect.

In my spare time, hahahaha

So, i'm busy... This is the understatement of the year. Between family (including my boyfriend, his son, and fam), school (going full-time this semester), and full-time work (for now), I feel stressed and tired... Also, we're still sorting out the diabetes. Insulin is great but it can cause such lows and other side effects.

 We will soon have the definitive answer of whether I am type 1b (1.5) or type 2. I have more dr appointments next week, and I am especially nervous about one of them, but it will all be ok.

I had a rough day mood wise yesterday. I snapped at someone and just was cranky for the day 8( It happens but I will get better. Low blood sugar  makes me soooo cranky, but I don't want to make excuses, so this is another growth opportunity.

The boys have been doing well. A has had some tough times, but we're sorting through how to control his temper and calming himself down... (I am thankful I have my reminders of how hard controlling my mood can be. It also gives me great ideas to help my sons 8D) T is doing well and I have officially been nominated to help him in his Pre-ap math... not good 8D lol. They are amazing and growing so much.

God is wonderful. I am very thankful for His blessings in my life.

Lance, really?

I know, I know, It's all been said, etc. I am not surprised that he doped. I could almost give him a pass on that. He was hurtful to so many people and went so far as to sue those telling the truth. That's a whole new level of a big time meanie! I know, I said it!!! I'm a mom, let's face it 8D. He has done some good, yes, but he cheated to do it. I am thankful for Live Strong, but can't imagine the hurt and pain within him that must be there, for him to insatiably inflict upon others. Prayer, love and light to him could help and i'm sending what I can.

a big announcement...

There will be a big change in my life and in the boys' lives in the very near future. I'm not ready to announce it, but it's big and exciting and has to do with my education. It will be a great deal of hard work, but I'm looking forward to it.

day by day

This new year has brought a huge medical hurdle that I must now face. My diabetes was a bit out of control, perhaps a lot bit. And due to the treatment of asthma, it became an insurmountable obstacle.I was one of those people who listened to those who say, "everything in moderation." Unfortunately, that is no longer a way of life that I can afford. I must be very very careful from here on out. I am now an insulin-dependent diabetic. There's a part of me that wishes that I could have been successful in turning diabetes around permanently. Unfortunately, that does not look like it will be my reality. I have a great doctor and great people around me. My boyfriend is being so supportive, and I am very thankful for that. This is a big obstacle so soon in a relationship, and I am thankful that he is so supportive, helpful and kind in this.

This was a major scare, and I'm thankful that I am getting through this. This blog will be in part some diabetes tips and recipes as well, especially focusing on gluten-free.

Thank you, everyone, for your prayers and your love. God is so good and I feel so incredibly blessed. I am thankful for so much in this.

Peace, light, hope, and love

The Intelligent Airhead