complete randomness 8D and backsliding... 8/

So first of all, the weekend... some cool things happened. My cousins were down from Alaska, so we saw them for a bit. We all had a great time.  The boys and I had a pretty relaxing weekend other than that...

Bananas --

So my oldest son, T. wakes me up with two bananas pointed at me. He says, breakfast... I'm trying not to laugh so hard... It's pretty early at this point, and laughter is generally not in my abilities... I'm a bit of a frost mage in the mornings 8D. Arcane doesn't start till later... I know that I'm getting better in keeping it together, because when they wake me up, I'm not cranky and I can work through it. Woot!!! But being held up by two bananas is still funny 8D

Hugs--
T. learned how to hug this weekend... Normally, he gives fish hugs, very light...(pretty common for Autistic individuals). Well, with my cousins, they taught him how to hug tight. This morning, when he left, he gave me a light hug, then grabbed me again with a big hug. Wooooot!!! I'm doing a happy dance. 8D

Please and thank you --

I am really working on the boys' manners... They are doing soooo well. Praise God!!! 8D


New foods
A. (youngest son) ate half a cherry. It's tough for him to try new foods (also pretty common for those with Autism)... I dipped it in chocolate (sugar free homemade chocolate sauce) and he still didn't like it... But he tried it!!! Woot!!! He also tried a cherry tomato this weekend!!! Yay!

Cattiness --

So when I'm not in a wondrous place, i can be catty... I realized this today, how much this is still an issue. This will become a focus in the near future... I think this has to do with the whole dance of anger in one of my recent posts... Hmm... will work on that.

Today --
 Was a bit tougher in keeping it together for several reasons. I allowed numerous things to get to me, plus I had a migraine... I still need to work on my attitude during tough times... It's a process, but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  I did better than some days, but just not too great...

This weekend --
 the boys and I communicated very well overall and my temper was completely in check. woooot!

Backslide...

I did backslide though. I asked my exboyfriend to come back, gave him one more chance, etc. He made it obvious that his compassion for me has cooled. In a sense, it's good, it made it easy... I know now that he truly doesn't love me like i thought he did... If he truly did, he would want to try, to really try again, and see that he didnt give me a chance. he would have stayed if he really truly wanted this... i guess it just goes to the fact that he wasn't that into me... We didn't really give this a shot, as he ran before things got tough... All he had to do was stand up to me, and he felt it would be better to leave than to try. I can't make him love me. I can't make him stay... So i'm doing what I have to -- he is free... He is free for whomever he chooses in this life. My love will no longer tether him. He has my prayers, light, compassion and thoughts. I wish him completely well and hope he finds a love that he feels is worth fighting for.

He didn't know me... He obviously didn't if he didn't think i could change what ailed our relationship... and if he thought i could change it, and he left anyway, it goes to show that he just didn't want me... and that's unfortunate. I'll find someone who does when I'm ready and when God's ready for me to be in a relationship 8)


One thing he did say that makes so much sense is my anger grabs hold and doesnt let go until a certain phrase is said... well, there are many phrases... but my love is the same way... he said one of the phrases that helped me detach, and i think him for that, makes it easier for everyone. So this is something I want to work on, the anger part...

 The love part -- what's so wrong with loving almost completely unconditionally? the right man will love that 8).
But this is all good. I can completely be free. My love for him has been subdued as I see that he wants nothing to do with my heart. While it's a bummer, I feel free in a sense that I know 8) I know where I stand... and i like that 8)