so my thoughts on marriage

I have had a love/hate relationship with the above entity... I'm still sorting out a lot, but here goes...

My thoughts on marriage are completely f-ed up beyond all recognition. They just are. So here is what I am starting to believe...

I have been taught that to be happy, to be considered loved by God, I need a man. That's complete bullshit. I know, I just cussed. God loves me for me. My worth is not based on another person. That's a good feeling.

So, what is marriage to me? I'm not sure, right now... Paying less taxes comes to mind... But that's about all.

I have run quite a few people off by my seriousness in regards to how I used to view marriage. It is what it is... I now see that I wasn't ready for a relationship, in a lot of ways. I'm still healing, and I will get there someday...

I am to the point that I still want a long term relationship, when I'm ready. That is my ultimate goal for dating...  (not ready to date for awhile, but wanna get everything hammered out in my brain) And that's good, that's healthy. But my focus is now to change some thoughts...

I want to seek a relationship that's open-ended. the option of carrying on inevitably, but knowing that life changes and love changes and we take it one day at a time... It's not a contract, it's not binding, it's just life 8)

I am now open to the idea of living with a man (after quite some time of dating...). I used to talk about living together, but I was mortified of it. I felt that marriage would soon follow, and then I would freak.

Marriage, when I get married, if i get married again, I will be ready. I will take my time... I can't foresee getting married quickly at all... especially now that I know my entire reason for wanting to get married. ... Just gotta go with what I feel is right... Just trust my gut 8)