Not enough, 5 in the Morning -- family thoughts...

So this is about a certain part of my family that shall remain nameless, but I've been trying to heal and figure out how to limit contact with them. It's a must. I have limited contact between them and my children, but not between me and them. I guess I thought I was glutton for punishment or had to fulfill my duty. Well, self-preservation and self protection aren't selfish, they are essential to survival! This is a newfound belief in me, but it's so true...

One of my favorite Kasey Chambers songs is Not pretty enough -- Yes, it's sad, but it's how I've felt my entire life, until now... And still, I have my moments...
An excerpt is below.

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart to broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break
I crave, I love, I've waited long enough
I try as hard as I can.

I want to scream at the top of my lungs to them, "Why am i not enough?" I'm an amazing person, and if they don't see that, they miss out. It's pragmatic, it may even be bitchy, but I have to take care of me. Just because they are family, doesn't mean that I am their doormat.

Good enough By Life House

What do I have to do
To try to make you see
That this is who I am
And its all that I can be

What do I have to do
To try to make you see
Trying to be like you
isn’t good enough for me


I am me and I love me. And it's ok if people choose not to love me. But I am no longer going to mourn that. I must care for me and my children and that's that 8D. It feels so good to feel truly independent in this manner.

When I was thinking about all of this the other day, I was listening to Kasey Chambers radio on Pandora and a song I've never heard from an artist I never had heard of before came on... Lucy Kaplansky is the artist and 5 in the Morning is the song...
 Excerpts are below


Shivers in the cold, slips on her clothes
Walks downstairs, icy wind blows
Face to face inside the front door
It's not a crime to need more
There's something I'm looking for


If you leave now you can never come back
You're throwing us away, you can't do that
I'm falling like a leaf from the family tree
I don't need you the way you need me
You need me


This is how I feel!!! I'm a leaf falling from the family tree, and I'm ok with this. Finally!!!! I needed to do this on my own. This is how it was supposed to be... I will have a bit of contact with them, but it will be greatly limited... I have to make this decision for myself and my sons... and stick with it!!! I can do so 8D